Of Sharks and Sequels

Carrying on my habit of watching crappy horror movies, I turned in to the execrable Shark Swarm. Several well known cast members - John Schneider, Daryll Hannah, F. Murray Abraham and Armanda Assante - were very much slumming it, running on autopilot through a dull, predictable script written around the scientifically dubious concept of sharks being turned into pack-hunting monsters by a Property Developer's deliberate chemical dump. His devious plan was that, by polluting the local sea and killing off the local fishing industry, he'd force the local yokels to sell their prime, beachfront properties so he could redevelop the area into posh condos.

Ignoring the flawed logic (that which kills the fish is liable to do more than just turn the sharks into aquatic zombies, and could prove harmful to humans, thereby rendering the prime, beachfront property a bit of a deathtrap on far too many levels), the film was basically crap. Everything ran by the numbers, dialogue was utterly trite, the introduction of a super weapon capable of fending off zombified sharks was just plain silly, and the lesser-known actors were terrible.

And the climax of the film, where the sharks - having devoured all the bad guys - take it upon themselves to disappear back out into the open ocean (actually quite a worrying thought, considering they had essentially become zombie sharks) rather than hang around the established larder, made no sense at all.

Far better was Deathwatch, a horror movie set in the trenches of World War I. War isn't enough of a horror anymore? Evidently not, as the German-occupied trenches the Tommies happen across is also inhabited by... Evil. Cue people getting pierced by barbed wire, dragged down into the mud, shooting each other due to hallucinations... So far, so accurate description of the realities of war back in those unenlightened times... But the barbed wire in Deathwatch is... Alive! And people get literally dragged below ground by... Malevolent Forces!

The ending was just a little bit clichéd - good-guy Tommy (played by Jamie Bell) is allowed to leave because he tried to rescue the German soldier/Embodiment of the Malevolent Force from his slightly unhinged compatriots. He disappears off into the mists, while the 'German soldier' remains in his trench, only to capture/be captured by another bunch of British soldiers, implying the whole thing is about to start over again.

I was quite impressed, overall... Not least by the genius line, spoken with the perfect tone of incredulity by Lawrence Fox as the Captain, when one of the soldiers pleads with him not to go after the nutter of the troop (played by a suspiciously typecast Andy Serkis): "I'm an officer." Deathwatch even features that guy from the current BT adverts. Though the less said about what he gets up to, the better.

On the subject of movies, I picked up TransFormers: Revenge of the Fallen recently, and also watched that yesterday... Gotta say, it doesn't stand up to repeat viewings. The plot was paper thin the first time, and the comedy fell quite flat most of the way through. I actually fell asleep through a fair portion of the Egypt section, from shortly after the heroes' arrival by Space Bridge, to the Decepticons' hunt for Sam and Mikaela in the ruins.

While I liked that the robots got more screen time in this one, they were playing second fiddle to the story of a boy striking out on his own... and it was particularly jarring watching the film at home. Worse still, having seen the early drafts of some CG scenes in the Extras, it's all the more obvious that Jolt was tacked in at the end to advertise a car.

Today, I popped over to Harrow to make a proper start on my Christmas shopping. It didn't go as well as I'd hoped and, to be honest, I could easily have come away with more presents for myself than for my family. Some presents require a little more research... More options are available than were first considered.

I did pick up a new watch (the strap on my old one was gradually being eroded) a new wallet (the coin section's zip broke on my old one - the new one doesn't have a zip!) - and a new bathmat, which came with a matching mat for the toilet.

Strangely, there were more clothes that caught my eye than there were last time I went out with the intention of buying some new clothes... but I did not pick anything up this time.

Not much else done this weekend... I got a fair bit done, all told, it just doesn't feel like much.

Oh well... Let's see how the week goes...