The End Is Nigh

The funny thing about the sure knowledge that, in about three weeks, I'm losing the magazines I've worked on for about 11 years, is that I care less every day.

Take today: The manager of the magazine I'm putting to bed on Wednesday was still talking about adding 8 pages to the magazine because she so far off her target, and being pressured by her higher-ups to get more money into this issue (Publishing Director, in point of fact, put out an email today, insisting that we need to make £21.5 thousand pounds per day in advertising revenue... and we're on the last two magazines of this month). I pointed out to her that, as long as we still have more than 10 pages unsold, it's far more likely that we'll be dropping 8 pages to avoid running a mass of filler ads.

She wasn't happy.

But let's be realistic. We're now basically a day and a half from press and virtually nothing has been sold over the last week. How are they going to fill more than 10 pages in a fraction of the time they've already spent selling very little? And what little they have sold has been promised ridiculous positions in the magazine. We have a section of the magazine with only one page of supporting Editorial which, by default, should be on a righthand page. Into this section, four whole ads have been sold... three of which are half page vertical ads... and all of those have been promised an Outside Righthand Page position.

This means that the section requires 6 pages of the magazine, of which one is Editorial, three are taken by the ORhP ads... and the rest is empty space. I pointed this out to the magazine manager, and asked her how much more she's likely to sell into that section.

Surprisingly, she didn't respond.

And therein lies the problem. They just want to bury their heads in the sand and carry on selling at last-minute-desperation rates, promising the client whatever it takes to get them in, thus weakening their position still further for next month.

A few of the Salespeople have told me that they're going to miss me once I'm gone... and I have invariably replied "Yes, you are," the subtext of which being "you have absolutely no idea how much you're going to miss me, because you have no idea how often I personally pull your fat out of the fire by coming up with the solution to the stupid situations you create."

I'm not even sure whether they mean it on a personal level or a purely work level... I'm happy to assume the latter, because I try to be as impersonal as possible in the office. If any of them do believe they mean it on a personal level, I may have to quote an Accountant I knew through Work Experience in high school: "What was that? I'm a nice person, am I? I'm obviously not doing my job properly, then!"

After Wednesday, two of my Designers lose their magazines... Only one of my counterpart's... and that, frankly, would be a good thing were it not for the fact that it means he'll be doing nothing but ads, and he's shit.

We had a meeting in the boardroom to discuss this change to workflow, and the proposed, combined Christmas Party/Celebration of Production in mid-December - the question being 'did we want that to be our only leaving do', since it transpires that some of the Salesfolk feel we're getting a raw deal, and deserve something specific to us, so we can be properly celebrated. One was so sorrowful that, having announced that everyone she liked was leaving (apart from two from her own team and, frankly, several others), she had to go home, still crying.

I wonder if it's occurred to her that - if she wanted - she could quite easily keep in touch with all those 'friends' who are leaving?

Personally, I am hoping to avoid the Christmas Party at all costs... Aiming to say well ahead of time the few Goodbyes I feel the need to say. In fact, when I learned in today's meeting that our esteemed Publishing Director has insisted that this year's last magazine goes to press the day before our last day, my immediate response, in front of the whole department, was "Oh, fuck her..."

I mean, it's not altruism on her part - I doubt she knows the meaning of the word, let alone having any familiarity with the concept - because she didn't see the need to celebrate Production in any way until her boss decided it was a great idea. And, let's face it, if I finish my last magazine the day before, what reason would I have for coming in on that last day? The party?

Fuck off.

As far as I'm concerned, my obligations to that company are concluded when I send the last magazine of the year to press.

In other news, I picked up the Wii 'reimagining' (I'm getting so bored with that phrase) of the N64 classic GoldenEye, along with Soul Calibur Legends. The former serves as evidence that I am utterly shit at first-person shooters (making GoldenEye the ideal choice, should I ever wish to record a Let's Play for posterity), the latter that I'm a sucker for rubbish slash-'em-up games featuring scantily clad female characters (Castlevania Legends, anyone?).

But seriously: Ivy? Even before I learned she was supposed to be English, she was scarily hot... Now I've heard that plummy accent, I am utterly besotted.