Well... I'm honestly not trying to retroactively change what had been going through my head here, but I personally felt that a little more email might have been worthwhile. What basically happened is that she grew concerned that I was mentioning a female friend too frequently in my emails and, having had several exes who ditched her to go out with a female friend who'd had feelings for them, wondered if I had feelings for this friend. I explained that we had been good friends for years and that we had investigated taking the relationship further, but that there had been too many points of incompatibility for it to have worked... And, in that same email, suggested meeting up.
Even then, it felt like a knee-jerk or guilt reaction but, on the whole, we seemed to be communicating well, so why not take it that step further?
So we did... meeting up for coffee, uptown, yesterday.
Conversation went as well in person as it had in email, she was certainly very attractive, physically... but I couldn't help but think she came across younger in person than she had electronically. She'd also been quite cagey about the meeting - naming a station, but leaving it till her arrival to actually let me know where she was in the station, having not quite walked past me to get there (that is, when I joined her, I realised I'd seen her in the distance, arriving moments before). And, not wishing to get overly analytical about it, the geography of the rendezvous wasn't ideal - sat opposite each other on a table just too large to reach across comfortably, for starters, and the coffee shop's equipment was just loud enough that I had to ask her to repeat herself a few times. Sure, I could have shuffled round to be closer to her, but didn't want to invade her personal space too much in such a brief meeting... so that's perhaps one mistake on my part.
The upshot being, for several reasons, I had my doubts about the situation and so wasn't necessarily as engaged as I might have been. Being quite a tactile person, the idea of being in that sort of situation and not touching in any meaningful way was quite alien.
Nevertheless, when we parted, a very short fifty minutes later, I felt confident enough to suggest a 'proper' date, in a different situation that might have allowed for better nonverbal communication. We kissed (cheeks only), she blushed... and I went on with my day with a certain glow about me.
Later on, I dropped her an email further explaining my 'proper' date idea but, just after 11pm, I got an email from her saying that she'd had a good time, but hadn't felt the spark she was looking for... and, based on everything I describe above, I could hardly argue. She was nice... very pretty... but there was a nagging feeling of something not quite gelling. Whether it was due to those circumstances I could have changed or better controlled, I don't know... And I do feel somewhat disappointed.
On the upside, I believe that paths cross in life for a reason... and, if nothing else, she introduced me to the Zen writer, Ezra Bayda, and potentially put another few authors back on my reading list.
One can hardly expect one's first date via a service like eHarmony to be perfect in every way, and it'd be silly to settle for the first one that feels 'okay', when there's bound to be someone who feels 'just right'.
Alternatively, perhaps I should just face the fact that I can be a complete moron when it comes to people (women in particular, it would seem), and that I should probably try to avoid the whole 'first date' scenario in future.
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