...It's just difficult because, no matter now hard I try to like it, all it does is disappoint me. It has potentially interesting characters, a fairly brilliant premise (rendered somewhat silly by its reliance on the name Van Helsing), and some halfway decent effects (mainly the prosthetics rather than the CGI)... What it doesn't have is talented writers.
What they consistently fail to explore is the question 'why?' We are expected to believe that 'half-lives' are all bad, and do bad things because they're 'half-lives'. We are expected to believe that Luke is clever enough to fight them, yet dense enough to be blind to his faithful friend's infatuation and, in the final episode, believe that his mentor is one of the bad guys.
OK, sure, the character of Rupert Galvin isn't exactly the most sympathetic... But, frankly, the only reason there's a hint of a hidden agenda is that Phillip Glennister is a good actor. There's bugger all in the script other than veiled half-hints, but there's something about the twinkle in his eye and the set of his jaw that says "Yes, I am keeping secrets... and do you know what? They're going to stay secret."
And I truly hope that, should there be another series, Ruby decides that Luke isn't worth the hassle because even when he's not being a prick for the sake of the story, he's still being a prick.
So. The thrilling climax. Mackenzie Crook returns as Gladiolus Thrip (even though he was apparently killed in the first episode), ditches most of the Captain Jack Sparrow mannerisms, and uses a medium (another almost funny joke - she advertises herself as 'the Happy Medium') to convince Luke that Galvin is a half-life of some kind, and killed his father.
And Luke believes it.
For no reason.
No-one can convince him any different, because he's been hit by some glowing green goop from the balls of a Pyromancer (stop that sniggering at the back). This Pyromancer looked like a clown.
For no reason.
This goop causes prophetic dreams... or, more accurately, causes memories to surface. Memories of when Luke was a baby, and in the car crash that - according to Galvin - killed his father.
To cut a long story short, and relieve the pain of actually having watched it, it ends with a Mexican standoff between Thrip, Galvin and Luke, soon joined by Ruby and Mina... Who drinks the tainted blood we saw her pocket earlier returning her to her Vampire form. She spouts some pompous nonsense at Thrip and attacks him... and he dissolves into a puddle.
Because only a vampire can kill a vampire, according to episode three.
It has to have been one of the most anticlimactic climaxes of all time, revealing that, yes, Galvin took Luke away from the crashed car without trying to save his father, but this was because - for no discernible reason - Luke's father had decided that 'the future' lay with Human/Half-Life hybrids, and he was intending to hand his infant son over to the enemy.
Oh, and the final scene suggests that Mina's staying as a vampire for a while.
For no reason.
Happily, there was far more reason to Being Human. Quite a full episode, too... Mitchell's thread about the vampire uprising shifted into the background while he tried to control his most recent convert, George had a date with the nurse who seemed to hate him last episode, and Annie discovered the truth behind her death. The best bits in this episode have to be everything surrounding the misunderstanding between George and the nurse he fancies, over his 'condition'.
After he blurts out that he has trouble containing himself, she gives him a lecture on methods of non-penetrative sex that can help prolong his experience... while he's fighting off his full moon-induced transformation. This, coupled with the fact that the lecture - delivered in a calm, soothing and non-judgmental voice - turns him on, leads him to throw the nurse over a desk and, judging by the look on her face, give her the best sex she's had in ages.
Afterward, in a mad panic, he throws on his clothes and runs to his 'safe place' in the hospital's basement, while she slides off the desk, completely blissed out, and mumbling "you're a dead man".
Annie's encounter with morose, eighties-fixated ghost Gilbert has some touching moments, and hopefully her obsession with her fiancé is over.
Today was a rather lazy day, thanks to the rain. I really should have started planning my holiday over the weekend, because I've already wasted a whole day in which I could have been sorting out carpet for the flat and picking out new furniture... or, at the very least, moving more clothes over.
Still, my father didn't rise before noon, so I wasn't expecting him to want to go over and work on the electricals, or fitting the new light in the lounge.
I didn't even call the dentist to arrange an appointment, or EDF to switch to monthly direct debits, or BT about getting the phone set up...
We'll see how tomorrow pans out...
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