Thursday 1 January 2009

Epic Fail

I've been sitting here at the computer for about five hours now. I got out of bed deliberately late because, while I need to get over to the flat and at least try to finish painting the undercoat, I'm really not looking forward to it.

All I have to do is finish off the door-side wall, paint around the window and boiler, then paint behind the fridge. That's all that's left for the base coat. The actual painting will have to wait for some other time because I don't have the paint yet.

And, you know what? I'm dreading it.

Considering the time and effort I've already put in to a job that should have taken me only a couple of hours, I'm terrified that I'm going to cock it up somehow.

...But then, put it in perspective: I'm taking way too long over painting the kitchen...

Versus: I completed the purchase of the flat in July 2008. It's now January 2009 and I'm still not living there.

I'm terrified of moving there because I'll be on my own, having spent almost 35 years in the comfort of a family home. I'll have to cook for myself, do my own laundry, keep track of my spending.

I'm also more than a little concerned about the outlook at work. Sure, we're making more money than two years ago, but not as much as forecast last year because of this looming threat of recession... And I have a nasty feeling that some more magazines are going to fold... When this happens, it's likely that more staff will be shed. The top dogs will say "You don't need that many people in Production if you're doing fewer magazines", and they've already tried to do away with one of the Production Managers.

If they try it again, and the move can't be blocked, the choice will be between me (with a mortgage to pay, and about 15 years experience), and my counterpart (with a mortgage and a family, but less experience and a shaky track record in both Managing and back-ending magazines).

That's not a choice I'd like to make, in this economic climate...

So, my New Year's Resolution #1 will be to look for a new job. REALLY look. And 'new job' meaning 'different job'.

I may have decided on something similar last year...
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