On "Manflu"

One thing that has bothered me a great deal, for many years, is the average bloke's tendency to describe the slightest of sniffles as 'flu. I once had a colleague who repeatedly claimed to have "that 'flu-y cold-y thing that's going round", whether or not there was anything 'going round' at the time, and pretending to make light of it while simultaneously making a virtue of the fact that he'd struggled to come into work at all while so terribly unwell. The whole thing was a cynical and, frankly, predatory performance designed to garner sympathy from those female members of staff who could be relied upon to coo and fuss at the slightest hint of distress, and the most offensive thing about it was that it actually worked.

This morning, just as I sat down on my train into work, I received a text message from a colleague, telling me he wasn't going to come in because he'd woken up feeling "fluey", when he'd appeared perfectly healthy the day before. Also not helping the 'flu side of the story ring true was the fact that it was a well-composed and comparatively long text message.

Whenever I hear guys talking about have 'flu, I start getting a little snappy. In my four decades of life, I have had 'flu maybe four times (I've probably written about it here), and each time I was in no fit state to handle any kind of technology more advanced than a duvet. The first couple of times I was under my parents' roof, and I've had it twice since moving into my own home. I consider myself quite unlucky to have had it that often considering how rare it actually is, if one can see past the NHS scaremongering that is the 'flu jab which gets publicised around this time almost every year. 'Flu is no joke, but it can cause some pretty funny hallucinations while it's busy debilitating you utterly. It also has the (admittedly rare) potential to be fatal if it gets bad enough that you can't take care of yourself - I seem to remember hearing some years ago about one of my former teachers, living alone, and found near death with 'flu-related issues (dehydration amongst them) after being out of contact with friends for an unusual length of time. She pulled through because a concerned friend went to visit her, and happened to have keys to her home.

I have absolutely no sympathy for the proponents of "Manflu", even if they claim to be playing it up 'for a laugh'. I have no idea why so many guys claim to have 'flu when their ability to move around and string coherent sentences together proves otherwise. Is it somehow offensive to their macho pride that they have a cold? Do they believe themselves so healthy that it must surely be 'flu that their immune system is so valiantly fighting off that they're muddling along with a blocked nose?


Seriously, if you're unwell, that's fine... But call it what it is. Taking time off work is probably a very good idea, not least because you won't end up making your co-workers ill later on. A blocked and/or runny nose, sticky/sore throat and a headache are symptoms of that most virulent of plagues known as 'the common cold'. It's annoying, but it's not really debilitating, is it? See a doctor if you must but, unless it turns into an ear infection (which happened to me just about every time a few years ago) or a chest infection, it's very likely you'll be told simply to take some paracetamol, drink lots of water, and get plenty of rest.