Somehow I've let another full month slip by without comment. That means films I've not written about all kinds of fun that's been going on. Well, I say fun... and certainly some fun has been had... but, a couple of high points aside, this last month hasn't been great.
I'll get the crummy stuff out of the way first, because it's actually pretty brief: The biggest point is that I'm still out of work. The longer I'm out of work, the more worthless I feel, and it's now been almost two full months. This has led to the usual sense of apathy - I've left the flat probably only once this week despite needing to do some shopping, the washing up finally got some attention today (I found a fine bloom of mould in the set juices of a lamb joint I cooked earlier in the week... and haven't dealt with it yet), and all the phone calls I should have made this week were put off. Also, after a weekend away last week (more on which later), I found a couple of my shirts were quite badly stained by sun lotion... but only after they came out of the wash. Time to bring out the Vanish, I guess... but there's this creeping sense that they're ruined and that the effort would be wasted.
Similar feelings are aroused whenever I think about drawing or writing or - perhaps most strangely - playing videogames. Why start when it's going to go terribly wrong? Hell, I started this blog post first thing Friday morning, then gave up about two sentences in. I've got a cool idea for a sketch, but it's kind of only half-formed, and I just know I'll produce a shitty, scruffy scribble if I don't know exactly how I want to draw it... Or even if I do, for that matter.
And I've got a whole bunch of recorded TV that I wanted to get through... But I averaged about 15 minutes before putting anything on pause for anything between a couple of minutes and a couple of hours because none of the stuff actually interested me. Now, OK, part of that is because at least half of it turned out to be crap...
While it's been incredibly hot, the paper on my ceilings has been peeling in the lounge (about a third has come down already... and I'd pull down the rest if it weren't for the vacuuming I'd have to do afterwards), the hall (notably around the area where the ceiling was leaking) and the bedroom (strangely not just where there's evidence of water leaking in). I also had two rounds of baby spiders bursting forth from behind (above?) the paper on the ceiling, so I've been confining myself to a flat that seems intent on making me feel even worse than I already do.
Quite frankly, I've spent much of the last couple of days wishing I could just fade away, because I'm just not doing anything to justify the electricity/space/oxygen I'm using. I keep looking at my collection of stuff - toys, videogames, music - vacillating between wanting to sell it or just smash it.
On the upside... Well, for starters, there are more movies to write up than I can remember... Pacific Rim was OK, if rather predictable. The World's End felt a little overlong and, while it was probably the most thoughtful and thought-provoking part of the Cornetto Trilogy, the thoughts it ultimately provoked weren't as positive as those from Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. I'm sure there have been other movies since Man of Steel... but, like I said, none that I remember.
During the last full week of July, I popped down to Ladbroke Grove and visited a kind of theatrical installation called Crashed, put on by Immercity (see also here). For about the first half, I was wondering if this 'alien crash site' experience was intended as a form of edutainment, since all the 'aliens' seemed to be very similar to terrestrial sea life. Some of it was quite clever (though the use of filler foam and silicon sealant for 'alien coral' didn't quite work for me) and the overall experience was certainly enjoyable... though I can't help but feel it was diminished somewhat by the insight into life as a jobbing actor given by my group's 'guide' before the tour officially started.
The aforementioned weekend away was an awesome trip into Lincolnshire, to stay with my girlfriend and her family. While I saw more of her parents when I first met them (when they came into London), and barely spoke to her sister and her boyfriend, it was a bizarrely comfortable experience. I don't sleep properly on the first couple of nights in any new location whenever I travel - this has been part of who I am as long as I've been doing any travelling - yet I slept incredibly well there. The outward journey was delayed by a series of faults (signals, track and locomotive!) that had me arriving almost two and a half hours late, so the first afternoon/evening was a write-off.
Saturday was spent at Skegness, the kind of cheesy seaside resort that I just love. We wandered along the seafront, through the funfair, down the pier... Visited the seal sanctuary, had some pub grub, bought lots of rock... Even sampled some Skegness slurpees (of the non-alcoholic variety, but the range on offer truly boggled the mind) and Choco Kebabs. That was the only full day, as I was due to return home on Sunday evening... Giving me just enough time to take in a small portion of the sights in Lincoln in the morning and early afternoon. This was largely a tour of the shopping centre (including lunch) and a trudge up Steep Hill taking in the traditional delights of the tea shop, the sweet shop, the ice cream shop and finally the cathedral.
While the day trips were amazing fun, just hanging around at my girlfriend's home was cool... not least because of the swings in the back garden. For a short trip involving a fair bit of travel, it was surprisingly relaxing, and I got back into town feeling ready to tackle the week I had planned...
...Which leads me to suspect that what I'm feeling is the crash after a sugar high brought on by my binging on sweets since Monday. A box of 1980s-themed sweets lasted me to Wednesday (and that was through rationing - I thought - quite harshly), so I've only got a few sticks of rock left. My fridge is basically empty, not just of healthy stuff, but of anything that isn't bread, pickles, or processed cheese.
If I'm right, then this low should clear itself pretty quickly... I've actually been feeling a bit better since reaching the conclusion that my state of mind is largely induced by sugar poisoning, so perhaps all I need is a good night's sleep... but I've been staying up to silly o'clock all week, and sleeping fitfully... Maybe I'll get back on track this weekend.
No comments:
Post a Comment