Bombshells

Not blonde. Not pretty.

Announced today was a plan by my employers to re-centralise production of all titles - not just those of the London office, but all the regional magazines - to head office.

The story goes that we are now in a period of consultation, to determine whether this is truly the way to go.

Of course, looking at it one way, you don't announce something like this unless it's a foregone conclusion, so it looks very much as though the company is attempting to cover itself legally.

It's a stupid idea - and one which has failed before - and the decision has been made for purely financial reasons. We aren't making enough money (read: the salespeople aren't selling enough at high enough yield) to 'justify' all these Production departments. It shows how little regard my employers have for the hard work we put in, both to the advertising and the Editorial. There is no genuinely compelling reason - other than money - for closing down local Production departments who build relationships with the local businesses who advertise with us. It's a recipe for utter disaster.

But here's the thing: Not only are Sales not functioning well enough, but we (specifically my office) are spending too much on Editorial. Most editors have two magazines, but a couple only have one. One of these has an Assistant Editor and numerous freelancers. She barely does anything herself (apart from phone her husband or child) during office hours, and only works a three day week. For almost three full weeks a month, she does next to nothing. During her press week, she does nothing but complain that her pages aren't being processed quickly enough.

But it's Production that are getting shafted.

And the Salespeople..? They get a liveable basic wage and terrible commission. That's the perfect recipe for coasters. Whether they hit their target or not, they get paid the same. If they're kicked out after three months for underperforming (and, in this place, it's an if, not a when), they've had three months' pay, and escape before the extent of their failure truly becomes clear. When they fill the magazine, they're not averse to increasing the pagination by 16, 24, 32 pages or more in a vain attempt to hit their targets. Increasing the pagination increases the cost of producing the magazine, reducing what little profit they might make. When they fill the magazine, they're not averse to cutting Editorial to accommodate more advertising... which reduces the impact of the magazine, making it harder to sell next month. When they fill the magazine, they've filled it with low-yield advertising, to the point where we actually make a loss on some of our titles. Some of the titles I've worked on for the last ten years.

But it's Production that are getting shafted.

Always the way, with this company...

I've finally got off my arse, and started sending out my CV, but what I really need to do is figure out what I want to do with my life.

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Not a score out of 10

Didn't quite do everything I wanted to this weekend, but I suspect I did better out of it than I might have done.

Yesterday, I'd intended to pop over to Uxbridge to see Shutter Island... but, partly due to a headache, I didn't get out of the flat in time to make the train that'd get me there in time for the early-afternoon showing. That said, I'd also intended to do some shopping out there... not least picking up something for Mothers' Day...

So, the shopping I did... Picked up a whole load of new DVDs (finally tracked down volume 5 of TransFormers: Animated, so now I've got all of it), and picked up a nice box of chocolates that were destined for my mother.

Note the use of past tense.

I got a message from my sister early this morning, reminding me to call our mother and wish her a happy Mothers' Day... which reminded me that there was, at one time, a suggestion of getting together with the brother-in-law's family for a big Mothers' Day bash. For many reasons, my mother wasn't too keen, but I wasn't sure if anything had been planned instead.

Uncertainty rattled around in my head and so, after lunch, I called to wish my mother a happy Mothers' Day.

Turns out she was just putting her feet up. On balance, I figured it'd be best to let her do just that, rather than traipse round with chocolates and put her in a position where she might expect to have to cook or fuss.

DVDs seemed like a good way to while away the day...

Other than TF:A, I picked up season 1 of Chuck (since I enjoyed season 2 on TV, and may end up buying that... Must look up season 3...), The Usual Suspects (which I've been meaning to buy for years), Night at the Museum 2 (which I enjoyed more than the first, and the first was great), and a CGI animated movie called 9.

I missed 9 in the cinema, but it looked really intriguing. A bunch of living ragdolls against evil machines? Sounds like a winner, right? Add the voices of Martin Landau, Elijah Wood and Jennifer Connelly, and it's starting to sound pretty darned cool.

Well... In terms of the animation, it's excellent... And the creatures built by the evil machine and sent after our protagonists were suitably fearsome. Especially the spidersnake. That was actually quite freaky.

Unfortunately, the story is hopelessly by-the-numbers. The hero starts off the story by making a huge mistake and reviving the bad guy, some of his new-found friends are captured or die as a result, and he spends the rest of the movie trying to redeem himself and prove that he's not useless. There's a cowardly 'leader', a hard-as-nails female warrior, and a big-but-stupid bruiser... oh, and the loony one who has all the answers but can't explain them. Worse still, at the climax, the bad guy is put out of action by the very thing that revived it.

I was deeply unsatisfied... Worse still, where most post-apocalyptic scenarios offer a touch of colour here and there, 9's palette was subdued throughout... the odd green or red glow didn't exactly brighten things up.

Still, the ragdolls - described as "Stitchpunk" by the blurb - were cute enough and moved very well... they just needed a bit more variety.

I was similarly disappointed by the end of TransFormers: Animated, as it happens. I realise that the makers were probably expecting a season 3 (shame on you, Hasbro), but they ended season 1 rather weakly, and season 2 was no different... Bizarre considering how good most episodes were, taken on their own merits. It wasn't perfect... didn't even get close to the likes of Beast Wars/Beast Machines... but what can you expect from a TV series about transforming alien robots that features a number of human supercriminals to bump up the character roster?

Thankfully, season 1 of Chuck - so far - has not disappointed. Season 2 was sparky, fun, and witty. Even introducing Scott Bakula as Chuck's absentee father/inventor of the Intersect didn't break its stride. The interplay between the principle characters is about as flawless as TV gets, and Zachary Levy does an excellent job as the computer nerd trying to hack it as a spy. Season 1, as it turns out, managed to work pretty much from the start.

I also did some photography earlier today but, for no obvious reason, I can't get the pictures uploaded to Photobucket - Flock is unable to get my directory listing... Time to give it another try, perhaps...

Visiting

Popped over to my folks for lunch today, also visiting my sister and niece since they were there as well. Compared to other visits, it was not as uncomfortable or as dull largely, I suspect, because of the aforementioned niece.

She's doing very well - getting big, inquisitive... very gurgly when she wants to be, too. She is completely enchanting, and I'm glad she's looking and acting like a normal baby of (quick calculation) 8 months tomorrow.

While she was fascinated by beards way back when she was in hospital almost full-time, but now she's even more fascinated by glasses. Given half a chance, she'll take them off anyone's face... and normally either stick them in her mouth or lick them.

I took the opportunity to pick up some more of my toys - the remainder of the Galaxy Force/Cybertron line - and a few books (well, Batman graphic novels) and CDs. There's still a fair bit that needs to come over - the whole of Armada, the majority of my CDs, more graphic novels, my Saturn Twin Stick - but I've certainly whittled it down.

Rather amazingly, Channel 4 showed Stardust earlier this evening - a brilliant film, and one I've been meaning to pick up on DVD for a while. I haven't because I keep forgetting it, and because I wasn't sure I actually wanted to own it. Having seen it again, the decision has been made... rather own it, and watch it whenever I feel like it (and it'll go in my list of all-time favourite feel-good movies), than wait till it turns up on TV again.

Bizarrely, following it is 30 Days of Night... which I'm currently half-watching while doing other things on the computer... Blogging included ;)

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Things (From Outer Space)

Just been watching The Thing, John Carpenter's excellent mid-80s remake of The Thing From Outer Space (though the credits claim it's based upon a short story called "Who Goes There?") ... and I'm surprised by how well it's aged. The prosthetics and animatronics are a little basic by today's standards (were it to be remade today, it'd all be CGI). The music and the haircuts give it all away, but it's still quite scary and shocking.

I saw it once before, when I was younger, and the iconic moments - such as when one guy gets his hands bitten off at the wrist by another guy's chest, and when the doctor merges his hand with his victim's face - are as jaw-dropping now as they were then.

Remortgaging Blues

Not sure what it is about my bank but, two years ago, when I first went looking for a mortgage, they failed to return my calls for a couple of months, having agreed a mortgage in principle.

This time round it transpired that they (or rather, their mortgage arm) are offering a very good deal... So I started to proceed with them... and now they're getting jittery about my income.

Let's put this in perspective:

• I've banked with these guys as long as I've had a bank account
• They've been on the receiving end of my paycheque for the last 15+ years
• For the last 5+ years they've been on the receiving end of my paycheck from my current employer

And yet they demand proof of income, not only in the form of a bank statement, but in the form of a payslip displaying the name of my employer.

And since my employer now do electronic payslips, a simple printout is not acceptable. I had to print it out on company letterhead, then get it signed and certified by my MD.

And then, my latest payslip was not acceptable. It had to be the payslip that matched the bank statement I gave them and, since I was not about to send them several pages of bank statement listing all my purchases and withdrawals over however many months (they're my bank, for crying out loud!), I had to supply a second payslip, from a couple of months ago.

I suggested to the brokers that, perhaps, if my own bank are going to be this jittery about taking on my mortgage, it might serve me better to stick with my current provider.

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