7.5/10 (on average)

I'm a little bit behind at the moment. Also, yet again, I'm going through the Four Stages of Holiday Awareness, even though I really should know better by now.

Oh well.

Last weekend, I went to see TransFormers on preview not once, but twice. I caught the first showing at some ridiculous hour of the morning at the Empire, Leicester Square, then went again with my old mate Paul on the Sunday to the Vue at Shepherds Bush.

Gotta tell you, it was better the second time around. The sound system at the Empire just wasn't up to the job, and I couldn't understand most of the robots' dialogue. Hell, even some of what the humans said wasn't entirely clear. When I came out of the Empire, I gave it a firm 7/10 because of a good few issues with the film as a whole. After seeing it again at Shepherds Bush, I'd increased the score to 8/10.

So, what's wrong with it?

Well, I understand that the writers themselves were not entirely happy with the final cut. Certain elements of plot appear to have been left on the cutting room floor, and what remains isn't exactly (ahem) prime stuff. If you haven't seen it and plan to, be warned that the following may contain spoilers...

My biggest problem with the film is the utterly redundant 'humor' scenes involving Sam's parents. Sure, establish character... but did we really need the conversation about euphemisms for masturbation? And on the subject of establishing character, well done on establishing the Autobots as a bunch or giant robotic jerks whose uncharacteristic lack of patience and brainpower frequently made a mockery of the idea of 'robots in disguise'. We really could have done without the whole 'back garden' scene, especially as it seemed to be there purely to give Ironhide an excuse to use the phrase 'leaking lubricant' which wouldn't have been so bad if he'd used it correctly. Messrs Kurtzman and Orci: when Ironhide speaks of 'leaking lubricant' he is not being literal, nor is it a euphemism for urinating. He is complaining about needless chatter, when action is required.

And speaking of needless chatter, what's with Bumblebee speaking through the radio for most of the film? I mean, why? What did it accomplish? It reminded me of Eric Idle's turn as Wreck-Gar, the leader of the Junkions in the '86 animated movie, but that's really not a good thing. Were we supposed to sympathise with him? Was it just a placeholder because casting a voice actor wasn't going so well? For the record, Mark Ryan may not have been anyone's first choice, but his two lines worked quite well, and established an older, more mature Bumblebee than following Gen 1 canon would have done... Even if he did act like a jerk, like the rest of the Autobots.

And Jazz... Sweet mercy, Jazz. What did you do to him? No, I'm not referring to having Megatron rip him in half at the end, I'm talking about his astonishing lack of character. His opening like is "What's crackin', li'l bitches?" and things don't get much better from there. Sure, he's the one who demands that they try to rescue Bumblebee when Sector 7 capture him but, really, what does that amount to? It has been said within the fan community that his death doesn't have as much impact as Bumblebee's capture because the latter is seen through Sam's eyes and we empathise with him, while the former happens as a consequence of the battle in the city, so we just don't have time to process it. How about this as an alternative theory: Jazz was characterised very poorly. Nobody actually liked him, so nobody gave a damn when he got torn apart. Personally, I was quite glad that Megatron shut him up. Jazz was meant to be Prime's right-hand man for special operations, and a huge fan of Earth culture and music... he was painted as a two-dimensional 'gangsta' wannabee whose only tick in the 'plus' column was that he transformed by breakdancing. Seriously, that was cool. The rest wasn't.

Ironhide... Wasn't quite right until the battle at the end, where he was awesome. At every other opportunity, he was just a lunatic who wanted to shoot stuff (including, but not limited to, Sam's dog and Sam's parents). If only they'd kept the whole of his arrival scene, where he actually answers the little girl's question, he might have come across as a fun character, rather than a redneck with a fondness for large projectile weapons.

Ratchet was good... but rather than putting him across as the good-time 'bot, he came across as a semi-reformed stoner after that run-in with the power cables. "Tingly", was it? Sure...

It's hardly worth discussing the Decepticons, as most of them didn't even speak (in English, at least). Starscream had one line, Barricade had two, Megatron only a couple more... other than that, they were target practice. The only real highlight of the movie was Frenzy, whose comic antics were all perfectly judged. He was, at once, a character in his own right, and a fun homage to Soundwave (witness the old 'transforming into portable hi-fi so dim humans will take him exactly where he wants to go' trick). With a character as adaptable as Frenzy, they didn't need any more comic relief in this film. Frankly, I ended up with more sympathy for him (he gets beheaded, restored by the Allspark, then beheaded again by one of his own razor discs) than for any other character in the film... and he's such a bad guy, he sticks his middle finger up at the humans after escaping from Air Force One.

Starscream's dogfight at the end was brilliantly executed, but treated as secondary - it was, essentially, just a special effects sequence. The early fight between Bumblebee and Barricade fared even worse - most of it happened off-screen, while we watched Frenzy rip off Sam's trousers (See? Did we really need any other comic relief?) in an attempt to capture and subdue him.

And then there's the humans... Sam and Mikaela were OK, but Sam's parents were just irritating... like an ad libbed routine that went on too long, but didn't get cut. The soliders were all functional, but you could tell straight away who was wearing the red jersey, so to speak. The main two were pretty good, and I hope to see more of their interpersonal dynamic in the sequel. Jon Voight worked pretty well as the Secretary of Defence, but didn't have to do much other than look like a man out of his depth... which, in this film, probably didn't constitute acting for someone like Voight. John Turturro evidently thought his character was supposed to be the comic relief, and overplayed it dramatically when we first meet him. He later toned it down briefly, only to go stupid again a little later, so I'm thinking that was largely down to wonky scripting for that character.

Storywise... there wasn't much. Or there was too much unnecessary crap which got in the way of developing the necessary stuff. The 'super hacker' Glen would have been entirely redundant if they'd developed 'not so super analyst' Maggie a bit better. If she was good enough to be drafted in by the Pentagon as an analyst, why did she need Glen? And if Glen was better than her, why wasn't he drafted in? Did they really think the script needed more comic relief? After Bobby Bolivia? After the Witwickys? After Agent Simmons? After poor, poor Frenzy?

After all that negativity, what was right with the film? Well, the robots and their transformations were stunning, particularly Optimus Prime's first transformation, and Bonecrusher's transformation into 'rollerblade mode' on the highway. So far removed from the chunky toys of 1984, and yet retaining their essence, and just enough like their movie toy counterparts that the toys still seem worth collecting. The facial animation was cleverly handled, but I can't help thinking some of it was unnecessary. Did all the robots faces really need to have a 'normal' and 'battle' modes? Still, each one was believable and realistic, and all had just the right amount of character in their appearance. Also on the plus side, the action was spot on and Ironhide made the best of it. Frenzy, as mentioned already, was brilliant in every way, a true scene-stealer. Stealthy and wily infiltrator, pint-sized engine of anger and comic genius, all rolled into one svelte, steel shell. Not sure I like the insectoid look of him, but his slapstick was excellent.

It was never going to be Shakespeare, but it was certainly more than a 144 minute advertisement for the toys.

In other news, both my boss and I are on holiday this week and, while she goes back to work next week, I'm off for the full fortnight. We met up on Monday to traipse around the Tate Modern (Dreams & Surrealism) and the Tate Britain (How We Are), which ended up tiring us both out. Were it not for the inclement weather (which is back today after some nice sunshine yesterday) we might have stayed out a bit longer and wandered round uptown some more. It was a fun day out, but I don't think either of us were particularly blown away by either exhibition.

Edit: Speaking of being blown away, though, my boss reminded me that we did put fear into the day of one security guy when we pointed out an abandoned Spider-Man backpack on the steps of County Hall. Since it didn't make the news in any sense, I can only assume there was no bomb in there... chances are it was left behind by a child who spent the rest of the day crying. You can never be too sure, though, and we didn't stick around long enough to find out.

Yesterday and today, I've been catching up with the last few episodes of Beast Wars I've found on the internet, and doing a little bit of extra detail painting on my movie Jazz figure. My boss challenged me to update my website during my holiday - and we're talking update as in the complete revamp I've been thinking about for ages, rather than just uploading new images. Truth be told, I'm just not feeling inspired right now. At least partly this is because my employers are now openly wanting to tap me for the technical web role they're introducing, and I've been given homework (look into what they want, get back to them with a list of requirements for training and software). Ironically, our Publishing Director gave me this 'homework' very shortly after giving me an article from a newspaper supplement about winding down properly when on holiday and not having anything to do with the office.

I'm feeling rather unfocussed generally... but I'm also sleeping a lot, so maybe I'll sort myself out in another couple of days. Of course, by that time, half my holiday will have passed by so, despite having twice as much holiday as last time, I'll be in exactly the same position.