Thursday, 31 December 2009

OK, it had to be done...

New Year's Resolutions:

1. Get a new fucking job.
2. Get to a point where I've done enough reading about writing that I can actually start writing.
3. Start writing, and carry it on without expecting it to be right and perfect first time.

There are probably others... but these are the most important.

Dave ja vu?

Something I've noticed, while I've been home and idle so much recently, is the startling level of repeats currently running on TV.

Some channels run nothing but repeats.

I'm currently watching the same episode of QI that I watched sometime before Christmas, and have had to miss out on Mythbusters this week because they're running the same shows as last week.

The same movies run in the same week on several different channels.

WTF? Seriously.

OK, so obviously there are too many channels for the miniscule amount of new televisual programming that is generated these days, but if the money generated by advertising on these channels doesn't allow them to create something new once in a while, why bother? Why not cut their losses and ditch the channel?

Can it really be all about turning people into zombies whose memory span is so short that they don't realise they're watching the same shit over and and over again.

I've just seen a trialer for This Is Spinal Tap... how many times has that been on TV this year?

A Change To Your Scheduled Programming

I had intended, while staying with my folks over Christmas, to jot down a few bloggable notes and put them online when I got back home...

...But then, I also intended to leave on Boxing Day.

In the end, I stayed till the morning of the 27th, and there really wasn't much of anything to report. My main present - the new PC - was at home, unattended for the duration, and I only got two other presents: from my sister (etc.) I got the DVD of Arsène Lupin (a French action film - of all things - starring the excellent Romain Duris, Kristen Scott Thomas and - gasp - a pre-Bond Eva Green), from my Grandmother, the latest Terry Pratchett, Unseen Academicals.

My hamper was well-received, though it shed a sticky mess on my jacket (and, I later discovered, onto my old Microwave, where it had sat since I brought it all home). The mixture of sweets, cheese and booze went down well (though, thankfully, not all on Christmas Day) but, by sheer coincidence, my sister had bought a case of three types of cider from the same maker as mine. Not the same type - hers were a selection of normal ciders, the bottle I added to the hamper was mulled cider - but it was interesting that we'd both picked up the same kind of cider.

The Shirley Bassey CD was also well-received... and ended up getting played via the TV/DVD player sometime on Boxing Day.

Out visit to my grandmother was challenging... Her Alzheimers leaves her repeating conversations (or remarks, at least) several times over. I did start counting the number of times a certain theme cropped up, but suffice it to say we were in no doubt that it was quiet in her block, because almost everyone had gone away, and the flats opposite hers were empty because no-one would buy them... When night fell, it was certainly "almost black out there" (and the reasons for the lack of obvious light were explained several times)... And I should hope she now knows what day I go back to work.

As long as the conversation kept going, she was OK... but she felt the need to fill any and all extended silences, and couldn't remember the attempts she'd already made. It tended to be the utterly inane thing she forgot, as she was quite capable of remembering her first job (and her mother's reaction to it), though she did come out with a complete flight of fancy about an uncle who moved somewhere foreign. The closest factual thing we knew about was a cousin who moved to South Africa, then came back.

Dinner was OK, as far as Turkey and Gammon go. Cocktail sausages wrapped in bacon are a bit of a Christmas staple with my mother. Christmas Pud was served with custard rather than cream which, to be honest, I think I preferred. Shortly after finishing the washing up, we left to head back to the house and carry on with that other Christmas Tradition, the Doctor Who special.

What can I say?

It made very little sense. From the Master's bizarre resurrection (Did Russell T. think he was writing an episode of Merlin?!) through the Doctor's teary-eyed reminisence with Wilf, to the improbable resurrection of all of Gallifrey, punctuated by David Tennant's grimacing jogs around the quarries and docks of Wales, I found nothing of any merit in the story so far. It concludes tomorrow evening but, with Russell T. still at the helm, the glimpses offered by the trailer do not bode well.

I look forward to the new series, despite the new Doctor being even younger than Tennant, because the guy at the helm has created some of the best episodes in the series so far.

Not a great deal has happened since I got home. I've larked about on the new PC a little more, installed a couple of games - Neverwinter Nights, it seems, does not require an internet connection to validate, after all. It relies instead on some completely bonkers code printed on a sticker in the box.

I spent Tuesday pottering about the flat with a splitting headache that would not shift till the evening, and yesterday had a brief visit from a friend, finally able to trade Christmas presents with me, having been snowbound before Christmas, and whisked off due to a family emergency afterward.

I now have a telescope, and am hoping for clearer skies this weekend to give it a try. She now has the Revenge of the Fallen version of Ultimate Bumblebee... who's just about cool enough that I might pick one up for myself... if I can figure out where to put him. He is rather large.

Right now, I'm debating whether or not to watch Jools Holland's annual Hootenanny... Not sure I've ever watched one before, but it always sounds like a cool show.

Thursday, 24 December 2009

So Far, So Good (With Caveats)

So here's the thing: The new PC is basically up and running, it's nice and fast, and the large monitor is wonderful (though, seriously, why are we stuck with the Widescreen aspect ratio these days? The salesman said they're very hard to find, and there certainly weren't any on display, that I saw).

But there's a 'but...'

And it's all the frickin' software.

The terms of the Windows license agreement border on the perverse. I'm sure it's all necessary and nothing to really worry about, but it basically says "Windows (or Microsoft) may periodically revalidate via the internet". Media Player now requires that you agree to have your usage of Media Player monitored (I've found a better alternative, though, so that's not really a problem).

And then there's the whole "Register/Validate/otherwise connect with the software vendor online" thing.

What is the obsession with having every computer in the world connected to the internet?

I've realised now that I can't even install most of the games I've got, because they require internet connections to validate the installations.

It's bizarre.

But, hey, it's working... Just need to transfer over some decent antivirus/firewall/etc software (the salesman recommended Kaspersky... I shall have to check on that, as it's another 'Internet Security Suite', and my experience of McAfee and Norton have put me off full suites.

The few things I've tested so far work nicely enough, but I'll have to check things like DVD writing before I'm completely happy...

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

The More Plans Change, The More They Stay The Same

OK, so I went out laptop shopping, and came back with a mini tower.

Price was the obvious factor - for the same cost as a decent laptop (which, let's face it, is going to be pretty small and fairly limited in terms of what can be attacted), I got a mini tower with integrated card readers (SD, Sony Memory Stick, Compact Flash and xD), 6 USB ports (2 up front, 4 at the back, with proper keyboard and mouse ports, so I'm not wasting 2 USB ports straight away), and a decent integrated graphics card (though the guy in the shop reckoned it wouldn't necessarily be enough for gaming).

Oh, and a 23-inch widescreen monitor.

Yeah, that's 23-inch widescreen.

And, you know what? I might not even connect this sucker to the interwebs. How about keeping the laptop for internet and transferring files (when necessary) via USB memory things or DVD?

I'll probably get it online eventually but, till this laptop dies, I see no reason to retire it.

Christmas is now possibly moving to my Grandmother's flat, just to preserve some semblance of her routine. It has been observed that she doesn't do well if she's taken out of her familiar bubble, and that she doesn't like staying overnight with my parents. This will probably work out better all round, as it's less likely we'll be hanging around there too long after dinner.

I also picked up a cool card for a friend, but then left it in my mother's handbag when we brought the new computer to my place. Dur.

It's either foggy or raining...

Hopefully the former (though the latter will help clear the snow if it stays as warm as it seems to be today), as my mother called a while back, asking if I felt like heading uptown to sort out my Christmas PC... I thought I heard some reluctance in her voice but, going by the way the conversation continued, it may just be that she was expecting reluctance on my part (when I was younger, I was not noted for my willingness to go out in bad weather, I think...) and that just came out in her voice.

Also had another call from my boss, who's still snowbound out in the sticks. She's hoping for a thaw, or her Christmas is likely to be a lean one. Also means we may not be exchanging Christmas presents till the New Year. She'd heard from my counterpart - who, I'd forgotten, is working till Christmas Eve - on a number of trivial matters that he should have been able to deal with himself. One of his team wanted to book holiday (needed to arrange flights), and didn't want to wait till the New Year. Deary me.

I've restocked my freezer, despite the fact that I'll be heading over the my folks tomorrow - I wanted to make sure there is stuff to eat when I return.

Not much else to report at this juncture... Need to get ready to head out again. At least the trains seem to be running well at the moment.

Obviously not doing enough lately...

What is it with me and staying up into the early hours of the morning? Seriously, I should probably take a long walk somewhere tomorrow, because I'm just not getting tired, and I can't sleep.

It's OK if there's a late night horror movie or something but, lately, I'm just awake.

My only trip out was a brief sojourn into Harrow, where I went looking for an additional Christmas present, and a small, high table so I can have my phone in the hall, rather than the bedroom, making it rather more easily accessible wherever I am in the flat.

Since Argos had a suitable table, I was tempted to make use of some of their half-price TransFormers offers. Masterpiece Skywarp was a bit of a no-brainer - the MP F-15 mold is awesome... but does this mean I'll have to get MP Thundercracker if it becomes available over here?

The repaint is not bad, but it is rather heavy on undetailed black. I may have to refer to the cartoon and/or other artwork and add some more silver or white here and there. The very dark metallic colour is excellent, though sparse, and the so-dark-they're-almost-invisible Decepticon insignias on his wings are just perfect. What I don't understand is why they painted stripes on the undersides of his wings... I'm glad it's not as glossy as the promo shots of the Japanese version... but plain black plastic is pretty dull.

I managed to pass on RotF Supreme Devastator, even at half price - far more reasonable than the normal pricetag, but still not something I fancy buying. I don't have room for it, and it'd be far too tempting to start repaining it all.

Ultimate Bumblebee also got away from me this time. I may change my mind at a later date (I'm sure they'll reduce the price again) but, for now, it's another large TransFormer I can do without.

All this came about because the planned trip to PC World with my mother got cancelled in the morning. She have visited her mother as usual, and decided to stay for the afternoon. My grandmother has been unwell lately and, while it seems she's getting better, she's also become far less inclined to feed herself unless there's someone watching/joining her.

The PC hunt may be on today, depending on the weather... but I won't be surprised if it gets postponed again. Not a big deal, as my current machine is behaving itself as well as can be expected...

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

Inclement

The snow seems to be falling again... and water has again been dripping through my bathroom ceiling.

By the looks of it, right now, the snow is neither plentiful enough nor solid enough to pose much of a problem - it's falling way too fast and heavy to be anything other than slush. While there are some big clumps, there just isn't enough of it to settle.

We shall see what the morning brings...

Monday, 21 December 2009

Well, that went better than expected...

Bar transport, of course. Getting uptown was a chore thanks to the newly-reorganised 'Circle' line (which is now a short spiral, not a circle) and delays caused by a trespasser on the tracks near King's Cross Station but, once I got to High Street Kensington, the shopping couldn't have been simpler.

Well, that isn't entirely true either - thanks to the Wholefoods shop in the old Barkers building, I was rather spoiled for choice... but I managed to pick out some booze, cheese and sweeties suitable for my folks. Even managed to buy a hamper to store them in the same shop.

And there was me thinking I'd be dashing back and forth between Wholefoods, Marks & Sparks and some of the smaller shops along the parade.

Of course, the downside was that I was overburdened with Christmas shopping pretty much straight away, when I'd tentatively planned to pop into Waterstones and Argos to pick up supplementary presents, and a couple of things for myself.

Tomorrow, I shall probably be popping out shopping with my mother, who is buying me a new laptop, to replace my current, much-beleaguered Dell. It's either going to be a new Dell, or a Toshiba - both performance machines, either more than adequate for my purposes.

Whichever one I get, I shall not be getting anything by Symantec or McAfee pre-installed. Horrible, horrible suites of software that infest one's system with Bloatware.

Having trouble deciding whether or not I want to pick up the recent live action GI Joe movie... One the one hand, I preferred it to Revenge of the Fallen (which I have bought), while on the other, it was a far more blatant toy commercial, and seemed slower-paced.

I probably will... Sienna Miller as The Baroness, and all that...

Lost and Found

Well, the trip to my folks' place didn't meet my expectations in any way, shape or form. I can see how depressed my brother-in-law is, but can't understand why. He's feeling isolated, and yet made no effort to interact with his tiny little daughter. I suspect that if he involved himself a little more, rather than just feeding when required, changing when required and otherwise pretending to nap on the sofa, he might feel a touch less isolated.

Perhaps I'm wrong... but if Fatherhood isn't what he was expecting, he should at least try to make the best of it. He'll be stuck with the girl for a good few years yet.

Meanwhile, with just a tiny hint of encouragement (for the third time) my mother finally got round to looking for my missing SAM Coupé. Having assured me that, if it was in the loft, it would have been carefully boxed up and put away, we found it entirely out in the open, upside down in a pile of junk, and with cobwebs in the open section where the hard disk is installed (I really wish I'd got around to having a hole drilled in the drive bay cover, so it could have been closed up to some degree).

Still missing in action are the power supply, SCART cable and the disks containing the DOS that'll work with the Atom and the hard disk... So I'm still unable to use it, or get at anything on there... Which is a real bugger.

On the upside, I remembered to collect my folders of sketches and things, to bring back to the flat. On the downside, I forgot to take over things like my camera (to take photos of my niece) and DVDs I might have suggested watching instead of the rubbish TV that was on later in the evening.

Dinner was a small, snack/finger food thing, but strangely filling... And I returned home with everything I was after (bar the SAM) and a few extras (such as a good chunk of my TransFormers comics from just over 20 years ago).

Tomorrow (make that later today... it's almost 2.30am!), unless I get snowed in, I'm aiming to (possibly) get my hair cut, go out to High Street Ken, and browse for Christmas Hamper gifts for my folks.

Sunday, 20 December 2009

Some Slight Snowfall

Woke up to another incredibly bright, clear, sunny day, just like yesterday. The only difference is that it appears to have snowed ever so slightly overnight. The roads are still completely clear of snow, but the pavements have a very thin new coat.

Didn't do a great deal of anything yesterday... My mother called to say my sister and brother-in-law will be calling round today to do a pre-Christmas present swap. I got my presents to them wrapped, but consequently screwed up my timing for other things - I was thinking of heading to High Street Kensington to do some shopping/browsing, and had offered to run an errand for a friend at the nearby Notting Hill Gate Farmers' Market... but that closes at 1pm, and I wasn't ready to go out in time to get me there before that time.

There appears to be a Sherlock Holmes weekend on ITV3, possibly in honour of the upcoming Guy Ritchie movie starring Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law. There are repeats of the Jeremy Brett TV series, with rumours of 'documentaries'... not that I've seen any so far.

I'm not sure what to think of the new movie, based on what I've heard. They seem to have reinvented Holmes, taking particuler care to ignore some of his most important characteristics. I hope there's a less obvious, more sensible context for the scene in the trailer where he's tied to a bed and says something like "Don't worry, I'm a professional"... but I doubt it.

Jeremy Brett has basically ruined any subsequent attempt to portray Sherlock Holmes on screen by being utterly brilliant in that role. In the same way, Joan Hickson has ruined Miss Marple, Fry and Laurie have ruined Jeeves and Wooster. It's strange how persistently people try to remake Holmes and Marple while, thankfully, Jeeves and Wooster have been left alone after Fry and Laurie's wonderful turns.

I'll be heading over to my folks' place later - probably after lunch - and will either stay for dinner (maybe depending on what my sister and brother-in-law are doing) or rush back and do some late shopping to restock my fridge. That said, it might be better to leave that till tomorrow.

Friday, 18 December 2009

All Done For The Year

My last magazine of 2009 went to press with remarkably little fuss, at about 4.15pm today.

What little fuss there was came about because one of the idiot Salespeople cannot tell the difference between a 'Promised Position' and a 'Comment' when booking her ads. The former should be self-explanatory, and that's the information I see when working on the flatplan. The latter is merely what it implies.

Were it not for their stupidity (and if they could actually sell better) we might have been finished by about 3-3.30pm, which is when the last bit of Editorial got signed off. I estimated a finishing time of "just after 4pm", so we weren't too badly off.

I stayed behind a while to tidy my desk and start the process of making an online edition of the magazine, and had a nice, smooth journey home.

My boss, meanwhile, was snowed in at home and - going by the number of times she called - turning a little stir-crazy. Her last day is Monday, when the very last magazine of the year goes to press, but my counterpart on the other team is working till Christmas Eve. He's had the last few days off ever since our respective companies merged, so I figured it was about time I gave myself some extra time off.

Thursday, 17 December 2009

And other things...

Also at Westfield, I managed to pick up TransFormers: Animated Shockwave... possibly the least Animated-looking TF:A toy of them all. Supposedly I'd declined to purchase him the last time I saw him, but I honestly don't remember seeing him before.

I can imagine why I turned him down, now I come to think about it: The predominantly blueish-grey and black colour scheme really doesn't say "Shockwave" to me. Even though my 'Generation 1 Shockwave' was actually the grey version sold by Tandy/Radio Shack - known to many as 'Shackwave' - rather than the purple, true Hasbro version, Shockwave will always be the purple of the Decepticon insignia. There is, supposedly, a purple version of TF:A Shockwave, and I'd kind of prefer to own that one... but he's not show accurate.

Not that I worry about that kind of thing.

So, in many ways, the choice of buying the original TF:A Shockwave or waiting and hoping the purple version gets a UK release could be made by tossing a coin... and, assuming I have seen him before and decided not to buy him then, only to pick him up today, tends to suggest it didn't really bother me that much.

He's actually pretty cool... but not exactly exciting. I'll eventually go into more detail in a more appropriate setting but, for now, suffice it to say that the toy has little in common with the Animated aesthetic. His dual vehicle modes are far too angular and his robot modes (Autobot Longarm and Decepticon Shockwave) are rather too blocky. Not to say it's a total failure, just not in keeping with the rest of the toy line. Also, how many H-Tanks are there in the many generations of TransFormers? At least the movie line didn't stoop to that.

Assuming I can find Wreck Gar... and possibly Waspinator... that'll be the end of my TF:A collection... And not a moment too soon, as the shelf is basically full.

Snooooooooooooowwwwwww

Yep, it's snowing.

Not that much, by the looks of the world outside my window, but London doesn't need much snow to go horribly wrong.

My last press day of 2009 is due to be tomorrow, and things are looking pretty good - there was a concerted effort to get as much as possible signed off today (both Editorial and advertising), so we're in reasonably good shape even if the weather does muck everything up tomorrow and we have to push the deadline back to Monday.

Mind you, a little snow in town could easily mean a hell of a lot out where my boss lives... So there's a very large chance she won't make it in, even if the rest of us do. While the state of play is such that we're unlikely to need her heavy artillery, it's always good to have it around, in case of unforseen circumstances. And the forseen ones that just go terribly wrong, as late sales are wont to do.

I'm hoping it's actually not cold enough for the snow to settle well - that's certainly how it looks right now. The roads aren't even slushy, they're just wet.

Mind you, since the magazine going to press tomorrow is one from the South office, it may be that their staff can't make it to our office (possibly even their own), so even if my team and I can get to the office, there might well be very little for us to do.

On the way home tonight, I popped into Westfield. This was mainly to investigate getting a Mac for Christmas. Having looked over the options, and asked the advice of my Mac-phile boss, I'm starting to think that perhaps I might be better off with a new laptop after all. It really does look as though my brother-in-law isn't going to get round building the desktop PC I asked for as a birthday present, and a laptop would be suitable for my needs... I was just kinda hoping for something different.

Macs, meanwhile, may be sleek and stylish... but they are still ridiculously expensive for what you get. Shame, as I quite liked the idea of the generally-better-reliability offered by Apple's machines.

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Some Writing About Reading About Writing...

Many years ago, I bought myself a couple of books on the subject of writing Science Fiction - one by Orson Scott Card, the other by Ben Bova - and didn't really get into them at the time.

I suspect I bought them because I had the tiny seed of a Sci-Fi story or two in my mind (one was actually for a videogame I was supposedly helping to design and/or doing graphic artwork for at the time), and wanted to see if I could flesh it out. I suspect it didn't work because the main idea wasn't so much a Sci-Fi story as a terribly clichéd romance with Sci-Fi trappings. Boy Meets Android, if you will.

As has been mentioned a couple of times previously in this Blog, I started reading them again recently. Card's book was interesting, informative, potentially useful... Bova's almost lost me because of an offhand comment about Alien (also mentioned previously), but managed to hold my attention because, in many instances where he writes about the problems writers encounter, he could so very easily be speaking directly to me.

So, here's the thing: Quoting someone else, he notes that fledgling writers really need to ask themselves "Do you want to be a writer, or do you want to write?"

It's an important difference to note. The title 'writer' or 'author' carries with it a certain image and glamour. Who wouldn't want to be the next JK Rowling? Who wouldn't want that kind of book deal? Who wouldn't want to see their book being read by young and old (particularly when we're not noted for our literacy these days)?

But put it into perspective: All that glitz, all those parties and public appearances, means you're not going to be getting a whole lot of writing done. Time away from the keyboard is time wasted. And how many people write well hung over?

A writer must write... it's a compulsion, as much as anything, but that doesn't mean it's easy.

I really want to write, but I consistently come up with excuses not to. I'm out of ideas, I want to rest or watch TV, I need to restock the fridge... Mundane lies, for the most part.

The real problem, I suspect, is that I'm afraid to finish anything. I've got so much 'in progress' or 'on the back burner' (something like 16 short-ish stories for one character, with the potential for another book for each of two other related characters, then the 'new' stuff I'm 'working' on, based around an idea I had 16 years ago for an adventure game), but rarely devote any quality time to them, let alone do so regularly... which is what a writer really needs to do. I don't even regularly devote time to this bloody blog, and setting up that sort of structure with my time would be hugely beneficial.

I've never been any good at finishing things, even things I know I could finish. But the fact is that I can finish things, and I do finish things... but I've spent so much time telling myself and others that I'm no good at finishing things that, on some level, that has become the truth.

Because, much as I want to write these 'new' stories, I'm terrified about what would happen if I actually finished one. I'd want to try to get it published, but that's soul-crushingly difficult these days, with so few publishers willing to take risks with new writers (or so the story goes). I could go the self-publishing route but, having looked into it, that seems awfully complicated. And, either way, if I finished and published one, I'd have no excuses to avoid working on the follow-ups I already have planned.

And I spend so much time complicating these things (the protagonist in one of my stories is an author - har har - struggling with the latest book in his successful series... and I've started putting as much thought into his novels as the story I want to write!) that it's very difficult for me to plan what I want to do.

But this is where Bova's book - particularly the chapters on writing novels rather than short stories - have been incredibly useful. It seems I've been going about things more or less the right way (though I could do with being a bit more careful with my noting of ideas), and I shouldn't expect it all to come together quickly, or to be perfect on the first draft. In the words of Ernest Hemingway, "The first draft of anything is shit."

What I need to do is list my characters and figure out who they are (mostly done), then work out a sort of timeline, to show what they're all up to at what point in the story, and how/where their paths cross.

Though I have to admit I'm still troubled by the possibility that it might work better as a game than as a book...

Over the last week, I've ordered five more writing books from Amazon - had to collect most of them from a depot in Wembley one cold Saturday morning, and the other arrived by post this week - but haven't started reading them yet. Three of them are specific to certain elements of writing (character, setting, etc.) while the other two are basically writing exercises designed to keep my nose at the grindstone.

I also have a friend who occasionally challenges me to write short stories... The latest of which is a Christmas story as an extra Christmas present for her. I currently have no idea what I'm going to do (it's rather a broad canvas, but it's tempting to write something autobiographical), but that's pretty much what happened with the story she asked for as a birthday present, and that turned out to be one of the finest things I've written (if I do say so myself).

And since I finish work for the year this coming Friday, I'll have plenty of time for writing... So the only challenge will be sitting myself down at the keyboard rather than in front of the TV, and writing rather than surfing the interwebs.

Sunday, 6 December 2009

Of Sharks and Sequels

Carrying on my habit of watching crappy horror movies, I turned in to the execrable Shark Swarm. Several well known cast members - John Schneider, Daryll Hannah, F. Murray Abraham and Armanda Assante - were very much slumming it, running on autopilot through a dull, predictable script written around the scientifically dubious concept of sharks being turned into pack-hunting monsters by a Property Developer's deliberate chemical dump. His devious plan was that, by polluting the local sea and killing off the local fishing industry, he'd force the local yokels to sell their prime, beachfront properties so he could redevelop the area into posh condos.

Ignoring the flawed logic (that which kills the fish is liable to do more than just turn the sharks into aquatic zombies, and could prove harmful to humans, thereby rendering the prime, beachfront property a bit of a deathtrap on far too many levels), the film was basically crap. Everything ran by the numbers, dialogue was utterly trite, the introduction of a super weapon capable of fending off zombified sharks was just plain silly, and the lesser-known actors were terrible.

And the climax of the film, where the sharks - having devoured all the bad guys - take it upon themselves to disappear back out into the open ocean (actually quite a worrying thought, considering they had essentially become zombie sharks) rather than hang around the established larder, made no sense at all.

Far better was Deathwatch, a horror movie set in the trenches of World War I. War isn't enough of a horror anymore? Evidently not, as the German-occupied trenches the Tommies happen across is also inhabited by... Evil. Cue people getting pierced by barbed wire, dragged down into the mud, shooting each other due to hallucinations... So far, so accurate description of the realities of war back in those unenlightened times... But the barbed wire in Deathwatch is... Alive! And people get literally dragged below ground by... Malevolent Forces!

The ending was just a little bit clichéd - good-guy Tommy (played by Jamie Bell) is allowed to leave because he tried to rescue the German soldier/Embodiment of the Malevolent Force from his slightly unhinged compatriots. He disappears off into the mists, while the 'German soldier' remains in his trench, only to capture/be captured by another bunch of British soldiers, implying the whole thing is about to start over again.

I was quite impressed, overall... Not least by the genius line, spoken with the perfect tone of incredulity by Lawrence Fox as the Captain, when one of the soldiers pleads with him not to go after the nutter of the troop (played by a suspiciously typecast Andy Serkis): "I'm an officer." Deathwatch even features that guy from the current BT adverts. Though the less said about what he gets up to, the better.

On the subject of movies, I picked up TransFormers: Revenge of the Fallen recently, and also watched that yesterday... Gotta say, it doesn't stand up to repeat viewings. The plot was paper thin the first time, and the comedy fell quite flat most of the way through. I actually fell asleep through a fair portion of the Egypt section, from shortly after the heroes' arrival by Space Bridge, to the Decepticons' hunt for Sam and Mikaela in the ruins.

While I liked that the robots got more screen time in this one, they were playing second fiddle to the story of a boy striking out on his own... and it was particularly jarring watching the film at home. Worse still, having seen the early drafts of some CG scenes in the Extras, it's all the more obvious that Jolt was tacked in at the end to advertise a car.

Today, I popped over to Harrow to make a proper start on my Christmas shopping. It didn't go as well as I'd hoped and, to be honest, I could easily have come away with more presents for myself than for my family. Some presents require a little more research... More options are available than were first considered.

I did pick up a new watch (the strap on my old one was gradually being eroded) a new wallet (the coin section's zip broke on my old one - the new one doesn't have a zip!) - and a new bathmat, which came with a matching mat for the toilet.

Strangely, there were more clothes that caught my eye than there were last time I went out with the intention of buying some new clothes... but I did not pick anything up this time.

Not much else done this weekend... I got a fair bit done, all told, it just doesn't feel like much.

Oh well... Let's see how the week goes...

Wednesday, 2 December 2009

A Further Meditation on The Passing of Time

Seriously, where did the last 35 and a half years go?

I find it unfathomable that, back in my younger days, I felt that life moved slowly... and that I had time to be bored in.

Whether life has accelerated further now that I'm living on my own, I don't know... but it certainly takes quite a lot of structure out of my personal universe, and that makes it very difficult to accurately/adequately follow the passing of time. Things that happened months ago seem like just yesterday.

Half the time, at the moment, I'm not entirely sure what day it is, because the print schedule at work is so cock-eyed and compressed in an effort to close all the January magazines before we break for Christmas. Which magazine am I working on now?

Actually, right now, I'm not... I'm stuck dealing with web ads, in a new system that I saw a demo of back in March, with the assurance that it'd be launched within a couple of months. It was lauched mid-November.

It's far easier to get everything done in this new system, but porting over information from our old Copy Control system to the new is a real chore. It's basically duplicating work just so I can upload ads. It's rather silly.

It would help if the Copy Controller operating this system had two brain cells to rub together, and could comprehend that a list of ads missing critical information like... ooh, just of the top of my head, the web address the ad is supposed to link to, is an utterly useless list of ads. It also lists ALL of the ads, individually, as being 'for December'.

I fucking know they're December ads... that's the month they're booked IN. I need to know what month they're booked TILL.

A small fraction of them list what state the ad is in... and I know they're not all done because some of them are missing.

Rocket Science, anyone?

This went so much more smoothly when I did everything, but I have been instructed that continuing with that method is not an option.

Nor is my proposed alternative, that that whole thing is operated by A.N. Other single person, working 2 days a week (if that, with the new system) for the same money I'm getting for 'managing'... Which I can't adequately do because I'm already 'managing' 5 magazines per month, and I'm not even managing them because I'm dealing with everyone else's critical lack of common sense and the capacity to use it.

There is something very wrong with a company that cannot take the best option presented to them for efficiently dealing with the work they do.

But, hey, that's my employers through and through.

I never even considered a career in this sort of thing, back when I first started in that little Pre-Press Bureau in Acton 16 years ago. It was just a way of getting out of the Dole queues, making a bit of money to squirrel away towards eventually buying a place of my own, or taking holidays.

Now I seem to be stuck with this career, because I haven't the faintest idea what else to do. Plenty of people tell me I have a good, transferrable skill set... but, seriously, whatever I do, I'm going to end up spending more time solving other people's problems than doing my own bloody job.

Wow... That could be an angsty whine worthy of Spider-Man.

Back when I was in school, all I wanted was to get involved in videogames... but then videogaming technology moved on to the point where I couldn't do what was needed, so that dream fizzled out...

I fell into a job that I could do very well... and that, frankly, I still enjoy doing... but I don't get the opportunity to do 'my job' because the people I work with are incompetent and brainless.

Am I repeating myself?

I watched Monsters Versus Aliens when I got in this evening - punctuated by a rather l o n g conversation with my mother about the state of my roof. Apparently it's quite obvious from Google Maps that something is very wrong with it. I spoke to the Managing Agents again today, and they were deeply apologetic that they cannot do anything yet because most of the flats haven't paid their service charge in a couple of years, and the fund is down to about £14.

Most of the flats are let, of course... so the occupants feel no obligation to pay. That'll be the Leaseholder's problem.

I may try to get the source of my leak fixed privately - with the Managing Agents'/Landlord's permission, of course - but it could easily be that the external source of the leak is nowhere near the hole in my bathroom ceiling...

Of course, it now turns out that several of the commercial units on the ground floor are complaining about leaks. The Managing Agent as replied by bluntly asking if that means they're now going to pay their share of the refit cost. Who knows, that might just work.

Erm. Back to Monsters Versus Aliens after that little sidetrack...

It's good... It had me giggling most of the way through, despite being full of clichéd characters and situations. Some of it was a little weak, but the voice acting was more than adequate. Unlike Shrek, there wasn't quite so much for the grown-ups in the audience, but it's an enjoyable enough yarn for the kids.

And I can't tell you how much I needed a giggle today...

More web ads tomorrow. Oh, the joy.

A Meditation on The Passing of Time

Fuck.

It's December.

Already.

In just over 29 days, it'll be 2010.

Fuck.

Monday, 30 November 2009

Of Leaks and Good Fortune

It's very rare that one can consider oneself fortunate in the midst of a domestic problem such as a leaky roof but, if one were to have a leaky roof, there are few better places to have a leak than directly above one's shower.

This is precisely what I have.

It has probably been building up steadily over the last few weeks of intermittent heavy rain, but the actual 'breakthrough' of grimy rainwater filtering through the roof and down to my ceiling happened overnight between Sunday and today (erm... yesterday now, looking at the time).

I've been in touch with the Managing Agents, who are going to try to get the roofers to do a patch job, as the actual refit of the roof is still some way off. This probably won't happen as soon as I'd like, as this is exactly the time of year that they'll be busiest. The ground floor shops have refused to pay their part, so the landlord is now planning to stump up for half the cost, and make up the rest in Service Charge... I am conferring with my solicitor on this point, as it seems like (a) the soft option and (b) a little unfair. If the roof were to fail significantly, they'd suffer just as much as the tenants of the flats.

But hey. At least I didn't get the bathroom refitted this year.

In other news, today's magazine - the first of the January issues - went to press a touch before 6pm. Not bad... but it didn't hit its target by a long shot, and was about 8 pages lighter than it could have been, had the Sales team worked as hard on Friday as they did today. Next one for me is Thursday, so I have a bit of breathing space in which to sort out the web ads.

So, not really 'breathing space'.

Oh well.

Sunday, 29 November 2009

On an unrelated note

I've been reading a couple of books on writing recently, starting with Orson Scott Card's How to Write Science Fiction and Fantasy, and moving onto Ben Bova's The Craft of Writing Science Fiction That Sells. Card's book tends to be theoretical and comparative, while Bova's offers some practical illustrations of its main points in the form of some of his own short stories.

Both have been quite helpful, in that they've given me a lot to think about (on the other hand, just what I need... more to think about...), but I've been quite perturbed by some of the things Bova has written about contemporary sci-fi... Particularly describing the likes of Alien as 'space opera', which he describes, essentially, as all-action, no character development.

Um. Pardon me?

Maybe I'm just getting flashbacks to the time I tried to get some of my friends to sit down and watch Alien at my house, only to end up throwing them out because they did nothing but complain about the lack of characterisation during the scenes where the characters were being introduced, but I really do take exception to that.

If there was no character development, there would have been no survivors. Ellen Riply would have died. She did not begin the story with the ability to beat the Alien. Granted, it took a lot more luck than skill on her part, but she survived, and was changed by her experience - as evidenced by her character in the sequels.

All of the crew of the Nostromo were faced with something of which they had no prior experience, and all of them were changed by it (mostly by dying but, hey). Some gave in to their fear, others rose above it.

There are even a couple obvious of conflicts: When Kane is brought back the the ship having been attacked, Ripley and Dallas are at loggerheads - both with Rules vs Compassion. Dallas wants to being Kane into the ship, into the medical centre. Ripley elects to follow the rules, and leaves Kane, Dallas and Lambert in the airlock, quarantined. Ash goes against that decision, apparently representing the victory of compassion over the rules.

Of course, it later turns out that he has his own agenda... or rather, that he represents The Company's agenda.

Before that, however, Ripley and Dallas are in conflict again, over who goes into the Nostromo's air shafts to seek out the alien - both with Fear vs Duty - and, while one might automatically suspect Dallas' overruling of Ripley, taking her place in the search, as being chivalrous, he's actually just reasserting himself as the Captain... To his own cost.

Even the initial trip down to the planet, to investigate the signal, is a conflict on several levels. The crew is contractually obliged to respond to distress calls and, while the signal is not definitively identified as a distress call, there's enough doubt for them to set down an investigate... And at least one of the crew is hoping to get rich on whatever they find (expressed better in Alan Dean Foster's novelisation than in the finished movie). Their own mission, however, is simply to bring their cargo back to Earth.

So, with such a glaring error in his text, can I really make use of what Ben Bova has to say about writing?

Actually, in the main, I think I can... His examples - his own short stories - almost seem to be written for purpose, rather than having been chosen to illustrate his points. However, the points he makes are useful... as a guideline.

I may look into books on writing other genres... possibly Horror, as that might be useful, too... but it's already after 11pm, and so too late to go trawling Amazon now.

A bit of a bust...

Today probably wasn't the best use of a day I've ever made.

No sketching, no writing, didn't go out (except to restock my fridge, and that was only down the road) because of the heavy, almost constant rain. I had a little nap earlier, but that - strangely - left me with a headache.

I was planning on doing some washing up but, having just watched Terminator Salvation on DVD - just as good the second time around, and I caught a few details I missed in the cinema, partially thanks to the documentaries on the second disc - it's too late to think about doing the dishes... particularly with the blasted headache.

In the all-too-brief breaks in the rain, I did manage a bit of photography - redoing some photos that came out too dark last time, and even squeezing in some new stuff, including the FansProject City Commander armour that turns Classics Ultra Magnus into a true Ultra Magnus... and then added the weapons upgrade that FansProject developed more recently.

Though, to be honest, when I'll be adding that to my collection blog, I have no idea... There's so much backed up waiting to be worked on, and I've had so little time/inclination/reliable computer to actually do the updates, the darned thing is pretty much on a permanent haitus.

Just like the rest of my writing, then.

Even this blog has substantially fewer posts this year than last... I wonder if my interest is dropping off. It would be a bad thing if that's the case. I need to keep writing, one way or another.

Didn't even get round to colour correcting some photos of my old SAM Coupé work to send to the guy who's hoping to run a feature on it.

Or do the hoovering.

Deary me.

And tomorrow is a press day, with an awful lot of magazine to push through in 8 hours. Better get some paracetamol and hit the sack, I think...

Saturday, 28 November 2009

Everyone has their vices...

In much the same way as a friend religiously watches any crap disaster movie that's shown over the weekend (though we haven't managed to see 2012 yet), I seem to be gravitating toward the selection of terrible Sci-Fi/Horror movies available on the Freeview channels.

Recently, I started watching one of the Friday 13th movies (running as part of a 3D weekend), but gave up because it was so deathly dull (no pun intended). Last night, I watched Species: The Awakening - a straight-to-video sequel featuring none of the original cast. Ben Cross tried to bring some weight to the proceedings, but the script sadly failed him. The guy who played Malcolm in Enterprise turned up sporting a terrible Australian accent. There was a European blonde actress in the lead role, spending the first half of the movie being all prim and proper, only to be overcome by her horny alien side after a 'life-saving' transplant of human stem cells from an unwilling human donor. Naturally, she came good in the end (again, no pun intended... well, maybe), having a massive bitch-fight with the far sexier, evil brunette hybrid.

Earlier today, I watched Black Sheep, a Kiwi comedy horror about genetically-engineered zombie sheep... and weresheep... It was actually laugh-out-loud funny a couple of times (I cannot adequately express how surprised I was to find myself laughing out loud at anything lately), and a reasonably competent horror movie overall. The special effects were probably more or less on a par with Brit-flick Dog Soldiers, and it just goes to show how sinister sheep really are.

Right now, I'm watching a movie called Heatstroke, in which it seems some aliens are trying to wreck our climate from Hawaii (you know, if I ever turn into an Evil Villain, I'd probably like to have my base of operations in Hawaii, too) but, critically, sowed the seeds of their own failure by accidentally letting slip their plans many years ago... via Television... inducing nightmares in many people throughout the world.

The aliens themselves are some of the worst CGI I've yet seen in any movie - frequently not even tracking properly with their backgrounds, and coming across as skinny a crossbreed of a Predator and a velociraptor, with caustic orange breath. One of the good guys appears to have been posessed by the aliens... Somehow...

Not sure I shouldn't give up on this crap and get an early-ish night... The one thing that's kept me watching so far is the appearance of Wayne Pygrim... last seen under heavy makeup as Scorpius in FarScape.

I popped over to my folks for lunch today, after my monthly trip to the Chiropractor, for lunch and a rummage around in the remaining boxes. My main aim was to try to dig up my SAM Coupé, but it seems to have been consigned to the loft (eeek). They've offered to go looking for it, and drop me a line when it turns up. I just hope it still works...

While I was over there, my mother filled me in on the latest from my sister and her family. The baby is doing very well, but the husband is depressed - in the medical sense, rather than just 'feeling a bit down'. It seems he was quite unprepared for the shift in domestic dynamic following the arrival of the baby and, coupled with work stress and other things, he's really feeling isolated. Not good. His father, meanwhile, is even less mobile these days, following a knee problem that left him with a dose of MRSA. Antibiotics have cleared it up, but he's still not fully back on his feet, and may never be.

Makes me all the more thankful for my continued good health.

In the afternoon, I popped over to Uxbridge to pick up a Secret Santa gift for the work Christmas Party this coming Friday. While there, I also picked up Black Sheep - as mentioned earlier in this very posting - along with the new Star Trek reboot and Terminator Salvation, both of which exceeded my expectations in the cinema.

Not quite sure what I shall do with tomorrow... More laundry at the very least... Hopefully also some sketching and/or writing.

Also worth mentioning that I went to a two-day course in Animation and Design in Adobe Flash during the week, at the London College of Communication. The course itself was not too bad - the software is easier than I expected, even the programming side (not that I expect to be doing anything too impressive). The tutor was a bit scattershot in his approach, and let himself be distracted by some of his students asking about things that would be covered later... and did not endear himself to his class by turning up just over an hour late on the first day because he got the dates wrong. Nevertheless, I learnt everything I need from Flash, and more...

The college, though... Sheesh. You could smell the pretension on some of the students.

Or maybe that was pot.

Sunday, 22 November 2009

Good Grief, It's Dark... Again...

...And today, it's raining.

Heavily.

Nice way to end my week off.

Popped in to Great Ormond Street Hospital yesterday, to visit my sister and little niece. Both seem to be doing well. Kate especially - shortly after arriving, I caught a glimpse of the top of her chest and saw what appeared to be the remnants of a huge wound... but when the time came to change the dressing, most of the dried blood came away, leaving quite a tiny line that's well on the way to healing. She's sure to have a nasty scar, but she is healing incredibly well.

She was also - according to my sister - rather more conversational than ever before. Not that a single thing made any sense - she hasn't discovered words yet - but she was particularly vocal after lunch (hers and ours). At one point, she started grizzling, and none of the handy toys or the dummy seemed to fix the problem. Bizarrely, though, my attempts to distract her from whatever bothered her weren't too successful until she discovered my stubbly chin. That sorted the problem right out. Seems she enjoys playing with beards...

I left just after she went to sleep around 5pm - rather later than I'd intended, but it was good to spend a bit of time with both sister and niece, especially since she's likely to be discharged and heading home tomorrow.

Not sure what I'll do with today... it's far too dark (at the moment) to do any photography or sketching... and, while I'd like to do some writing, I'm just not feeling that inspired right now.

Actually, that's not entirely true. Something I'm working on has grown a whole new element that pretty much begs to be explored... but repeatedly, whenever something pops into my head, it's gone before I sit down to write it out.

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Good Grief, It's Dark...

Only yesterday, the weather was bright and mostly clear. I really should have used that time to either (a) go out, get some fresh air, do some shopping, do some photography, some sketching... anything to take advantage of the daylight.

Today is DARK. It's been overcast all day, the wind is much higher than yesterday, and it's been raining a little every so often. Today would have been ideal for lazing around watching DVDs and mucking about on the computer. I really must learn to take better advantage of the opportunities presented to me.

That said, one of the first things I did with my time off was make a (small) start on Christmas Presents. I have a sneaking suspicion that I won't be going to the winter Memorabilia this time round, much as I'd like to, but there are options for other kinds of Christmas shopping.

On the other hand, I haven't been doing too well on any other score. I asked by sister for a photo of a baby toy, as it struck me as something that could easily appear more sinister. I have the photo, but haven't been in the 'sketching zone'. Nor have I been in the writing zone, for the most part. Ideas are occurring to me, but they disappear before I have the chance to write them up. I've also misplaced some writing I did a few days ago which, while not critical, is rather annoying.

By the looks of things, I'm about 3/4 through photographing my toy collection, but haven't got even half of it uploaded and ready to blog... And until my new computer arrives - whether it's bought by me or built by my brother-in-law - getting that side of things sorted is too painful a process. And it's still very tempting to just get myself a Mac.

Dark times, indeed...
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Monday, 16 November 2009

Doctor Who? Doctor WTF, More Like...

So, 'The Waters of Mars'. Described by some (involved in the production) as 'possibly the scariest episode ever'.

Good God.

I'm sorry, but even the tamest of Moffat's episodes was scarier that this dull, derivitive dross from Russell T. Supposedly there was some sort of emotional core to the episode... I guess I must have missed it in all the unconvincing vascillations in The Doctor's behaviour. First he wants to get away from a disaster he's all too familiar with, then he wants to rewrite history and save some 'little people' then, fast as a gunshot (oops - Spoiler), he realises how wrong he was to interfere. Seriously, if you're going to pull that sort of personality switch, at least have the decency to do it over a number of episodes. Consider the Pompeii episode as the beginning of this change, keep ramping up the 'last of the Timelords' angst, twist it into 'The Only Lord of Time' egotism, THEN pull this story out of your hat. Set up the fall before delivering it.

Sheesh.

What made it all the more unpalatable (for me) was sitting through the Confidential show which ran after the special. The impression the team gave was that they were utterly proud of their accomplishments, without ever acknowledging its shortcomings. Russell T. and team appear to be suffering from the same delusion they painted onto The Doctor: Whatever we do is good and right, because we are the Doctor Who production team.

I can understand some of the cuts - particularly those that turned Gadget from a complex, WALL-E style robot into the flimsy Meccano mating of a webcam and a Segway. What I couldn't understand is why we had a crew we were barely introduced to (and therefore didn't care about) turning into barely threatening zombies that gushed water from every orafice (in the first draft, at least) in an environment that was neither dark nor claustrophobic enough to facilitate any sense of peril.

It honestly felt like half the script had been cut out to keep to a rigid running time, and the end just didn't make any sense (no spoilers this time).

Sure, it had to lead into the Christmas special but, like the rest of these one-shots, lacked any punch and, in all honesty, did not show any true development in the character of The Doctor. In so many ways, it was just cheap.

In other news, I'm off work this week, and I'm not doing too badly so far - went out today and picked up a Christmas present for a friend. I've also been digging around in my old graphic design work for the SAM Coupé, having been recently contacted by someone who's still active in the scene (in the sense of working on a magazine, an accelerator, an Ethernet interface, internet connectivity... and a Twitter client, amongst other things), and intending to do an anniversary issue of his magazine with a feature on games that were announced, but never happened. This article would include one of mine...

Only, since I wrote back in such detail, he's changed his plans... Now, it may well be that some of my other stuff will feature in the 'Games That Never Happened', and the one he contacted me about first will appear in a feature all its own, in the following issue.

How cool is that?

Guess we'll have to wait and see ;)

Saturday, 31 October 2009

First Signs of Improvement?

And so the cycle begins anew... and the first magazine went to press a whopping three hours earlier than last month. It might even have been earlier if (a) the Copy Controller hadn't decided to bunk off on press day and (b) if the Copy Controller had actually done some Copy Control. Granted she'd been helping out on some other magazines before getting to her own, but when she was given help, she made no use of it.

But, still. Three hours earlier. Three hours worth of improvement.

This is partly due to my greater familiarity with the system, partly due to the Salespeople having learned some lessons. Not all of them, naturally - that would be far too much to ask - but some significant lessons.

Also, frankly, a good part of it is that the 'two teams' structure has basically been dropped, so ads are to be picked up by anyone on any team... and, this month, we didn't have the preceding magazine delayed by two days because of a supplement going to press rather suddenly and unexpectedly, having been put back several times over the months.

Of course, it's not all sunshine and clear skies. The company haven't quite decided what to do about web ads - they were supposed to be invoiced last Monday, but this came as a surprise to the Accounts department, and upset both the MD and one of the Commercial Managers. I've been waiting for someone to explain the new 'system' to me for the best part of the last month, and nothing has happened. I suspect (as does my boss) that this is because they're not sure what the system is themselves, and how best to make it work.

Funny, then, that no-one has asked the guy they're paying to do the work.

The 'system', as it stands, appears to be this: There is a 'publication' called 'web', divided into 'editions' which represent the individual websites. Whereas the actual print magazines get invoiced the week after they go to press, web ads are invoiced in bulk, under the heading of the publication called 'web', in the last week of the month. This means that Salespeople can sell for web throughout the month... except those that go to press in the last week of the month. Bear in mind that these same Salespeople should be working on their next magazine for most of the month (I wonder if this is why most sales are made in press week), rather than blundering on with web sales for the magazine just gone, and you start to see the problem. Factor in that they have no effective deadline, and you've got a problem both for web (no time to make the ads) and print (no attention from Sales until web deadline hits).

Now, funnily enough, it transpires that invoicing can be dealt with by edition, rather than by publication... So why has no-one considered the far more logical alternative: Set up an edition called 'web' on all the publications, and set the invoicing date a week after the print editions?

Any takers?

Personally, though, I'm bored of it. I'm bored of Salespeople mis-selling, having no idea of what they've sold, and believing they can strongarm Production into doing whatever they please, at any time of the month.

Getting out of dealing with web ads would be enough for the time being, but that appears to be out of the question for no obvious reason. Getting out of the company altogether seems like the best option overall and, to this end, my boss is helping me out with my CV (when she has time...). I'd like to be out by the New Year, but - short of resigning before I find a new job (not a good idea now I have a mortgage to think of), I don't see that happening. I seem to be hanging onto this job out of morbid curiosity: What will go wrong next? How bad will it be?

Sounds kinda familar, really... It was about this stage that I quit my last job - back when I had the luxury of living under my parents' roof rather than my own.

Tomorrow, I'm hanging out with my family - it's my mother's birthday on Monday, so we're having lunch (in a pub, naturally) while we're all available. Since my sister, her husband and their daughter will be in attendance (or so I believe), it shouldn't be too desperately dull... and it'll give me the opportunity to pick up some more stuff that's currently in storage at the house... but most of my news I've already shared by phone.

I already have my mother's present - got it last year, in fact - and I'm not bothering with a card as I can never find one I like. I also picked up a Christmas present for my niece today, after my monthly visit to the Chiropractor, in Acton Farmers' Market: a handmade jigsaw in the shape of a butterfly - nice, chunky pieces with numbers from one to ten. Kate's probably too young for it right now, but it'll keep...
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Wednesday, 30 September 2009

News in brief

We've now switched over to the new system at work, and my first Press Day - last Wednesday - lasted till very nearly midnight.

This was for many reasons, but it boiled down to my team being unable to start work on the bulk of the ads for that magazine till Press Day, and the fact that one of my team was on holiday... Then another one took the morning off (and actually hasn't been back to work since, having resigned at the end of the week. Apparently because I've been harassing her.

Needless to say, Human Resources looked at the evidence, and concluded that she's trying to kick up a fuss because I've been trying to clamp down on her absenteeism. She'll be offered the opportunity of returning to work, just not on my team (essentially taking on the 'floater' role)... but it's highly unlikely she'll go for it.

Probably a good thing.

I'm tired, cranky, and more determined than ever to go looking for another job.

In other news, my niece continues to grow healthily... but is having an MRI later in the week to check that everything really is as good as it seems. I had a power failure at home last night (while I was watching Chuck, annoyingly... but I believe it's repeated at the weekend), which cut short an internet chat with my boss. Turned out to be a local fault both at the power station (where a fuse was changed) and somewhere closer to home (where engineers on site restored power gradually from about 10am onward, with my power coming back at about midday). By the time power had been restored, there was no point in me going to work - my boss was letting everyone off at 2pm - so I spent the whole day at home.

There were things I needed to do at work, but I guess they can wait till tomorrow... The most annoying thing is that there was actually no need for me to stay home, since the engineers didn't need to enter my flat.

I kinda needed the rest, though... Somehow I managed to sleep through the hour of 8am-9am, roused only by a phone call from one of my staff, announcing that she was going to be late.

The down side to this unexpected day off is that I don't actually feel like going back to work tomorrow.
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Sunday, 30 August 2009

Just Visiting...

My mother sent me a text message during the week, inviting me to pay a visit over the weekend. Since my plans were woolly to say the least, I suggested popping over for dinner today.

Which I did.

And it's probably very sad, and very telling of my relationship with my family, that these visits are becoming less frequent and more uncomfortable all the time. I'm not even sure what the problem is... But whenever I go over, all my folks are ever doing is lounging around reading or occasionally watching TV. It's hard enough to start a conversation, and damn near impossible to keep it going for any significant length of time. They say they'd like to see me, and that's pretty much all that happens. Sure, I get a meal out of it, and for that I'm very grateful... but it's not even as if I'd told them all the news from work on the phone.

Perhaps they "don't want to pry" and are waiting for me to tell them all about the amazing things I don't have time for because of my ridiculous job... I certainly fill them in on the stupidity of the Salespeople, the complications of the new system, and all manner of other work news.

I ended up deciding to leave shortly before 9pm, grabbing a few bits and bobs from my old bedroom along the way.

Overall, it was crushingly dull and I suspect that's part of the reason I forget about visiting for the most part.

Still, this coming week, my sister is popping back with the baby, for another checkup at Great Ormond Street, and I've been invited round for dinner on Thursday. That might be a bit more lively.
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Horror of Horrors

There's something decidedly off about Horror movies these days. I may not be the greatest of connoisseurs, and my viewing preferences may tend toward sci-fi horror rather than out and out horror, but I reckon I can see an alarming trend in any genre.

By and large, as the Scream series so ably demonstrated, there are set 'rules' to the horror genre. These have been flipped on their heads lately, with the 'No-One Survives' type of film... and it's these that I find most odd, particularly when the other 'rules' are followed.

I recently saw Cabin Fever on TV and, last night, decided to watch Final Destination 3 (since the fourth in the franchise, cunningly named The Final Destination, is in cinemas now). The former broke several rules (most notably by having not one single likable character... though perhaps that's just me), the latter followed the franchise template to the letter, making it slightly predictable.

Cabin Fever was the tale of a group of 5 college friends who had rented a cabin out in the woods in some nameless American backwater. The closest thing to civilisation nearby was a general store manned by an effeminate, apparently racist Father Christmas lookalike, with a mentally disturbed child sat out front, prone to biting anyone who came near. The child's father was on hand to 'protect' the boy, but this wasn't enough to prevent him biting one of the protagonists. Since the film opened with the introduction of the flesh-eating virus, this bite had me thinking "Ah, so now that guy's going to be mysteriously immune to the virus..."

I turned out to be wrong.

The protagonists comprised: The Arrogant Guy and His Girlfriend, The Moron, The Supposedly Likable 'Normal' Guy and The Girl He's Known and Secretly Loved Since Childhood. The Moron kicked things off by accidentally shooting a guy who had become infected, leading to him later showing up at the cabin and causing trouble (largely by coughing blood all over their car). He's driven off when 'Normal' Guy sets fire to him. Unfortunately for all involved he winds up dead in the reservoir that supplies the cabin with water. Eventually, all but Arrogant Guy (who ran off to hide with the beer) end up infected and dead one way or another, but he ends up getting shot by local police. Whether this is because of the rumoured 'murderous rampage', or simply to contain the virus (which the locals seem to know all about) is not entirely clear, but it seems to be the latter. The film ends by tracing a line from the death of 'Normal' Guy (lying in a stream having been pitched over a cliff by a local deputy who was supposed to be driving him to the next town) to the general store, where local kids have made lemonade from the tainted water. Not only this, but a truck is seen driving away, displaying the livery of the local bottled springwater. Not only is the virus not contained, but it's about to spread.

There's also a wild dog involved. It seems to eat people who are infected with the virus. Not sure why... Nor do I understand why it's not affected by the virus, when the first victim shown in the film is another dog. The local deputy at first seems to befriend 'Normal' Guy, but fails to bring the group the help they need, and simply accepts the 'murderous rampage' story at face value... Of course, it's true (from a certain perspective), because 'Normal' Guy has, by this point, killed several people... but there were vaguely mitigating circumstances. The mentally disturbed child - who, at one point and for no discernible reason, shows off some martial arts skills - ends up biting The Moron, and seems to be aware of the virus by the taste of his blood... but this is not explained. Nor is the 'kit' some of the locals have, stashed in a small wooden box they take along to the cabin... is it a cure, or is it a convoluted means of ensuring the death of victims..? Also not explained. And the apparent immunity of the 'Normal' Guy turns out to be false when he falls into the reservoir with the dead body of the guy he set fire to near the beginning.

The 'joke' about the rifle in the general store would have been almost funny if the punchline weren't so strained and unlikely but, in a film so woefully short on comic relief (and what little there was didn't make me laugh), I guess they wanted to introduce a lighter note before the ominous ending. Not exactly a satisfying conclusion.

Same deal, more or less, with Final Destination 3. The first film tantalised the viewer with a survivor, and the second tantalised further by offering the chance that Death can be stopped by creating new life. In each, there were clues about each impending death... and it's these clues that are the focus of the third movie. The filmmakers went to great effort to give the clues multiple possible meanings, and then alternate between going with an obscure interpretation or a blatantly obvious one. Some of the deaths are clever, some are just plain daft... but FD3 slipped up quite badly when it killed one character who didn't even have a speaking park - she just happened to be sat next to another victim (who was also a fairly minor role). It also veered off the tracks laid by the first two by repeatedly sparing three of the protagonists from their grizzly deaths... right up until the end of the film, several months after the fairground accident, when all three meet up on a train which then crashes, killing all on board.

The problem with both is that I really just didn't care what happened to any of the characters. I may have sympathised slightly with two of the characters in FD3, but I didn't care about them. Perhaps this was because, by the third film, I pretty much knew they were going to die, so it didn't matter... but this seems like a daft way of making movies.

That said, when I think about it, why does one root for the protagonist of a horror movie? More often than not, they are simply presented as 'The Protagonist'... occasionally, 'The Hero'... but the only thing that connects them to the viewer is their continued survival in the face of horrific death. Some movies spend their first half hour or so developing characters, others just offer a fleeting glimpse of the meat that's about to be splayed open.

I think one of the worst horror movies I've seen in recent years was Alien vs Predator: Requiem, for many reasons. First and foremost, though, it screwed up the characteristics of the Predator race (lots of killing without honour) and tried too desperately to link in with the first Alien movie (the ship that carried the Alien eggs is suggested to have been of Predator origin). It also featured far too much needless grotesquery - the oral impregnation with Aliens of the women in the hospital's maternity wing by the hybrid 'Predalien' being an image that will stick with me for far too long.

Perhaps horror movies have the same problem as genre television: the new proponents are those who have grown up watching that genre, and understanding its tricks, but not quite understanding how it's put together and made to work.
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Thursday, 20 August 2009

Misassembled

OK, First off, the Auto Assembly 2009 Haul:
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There we have...
Revenge of the Fallen Voyagers Mixmaster and The Fallen, Henkei Inferno (the unboxed ones... what can I say, I was impatient, and wanted to play about with them!), Universe 2-pack Springer vs Ratbat, Alternity Convoy, Encore 15 & 17 (G1 Cassette sets: Ramhorn/Steeljaw/Ratbat/Slugfest & Eject/Rewind/Ravage/Buzzsaw), Henkei Ratchet, TFClub accessory sets TFC-003 Screamer's Coronation & TFC-004 Gears of War.

Probably quite a meagre haul, considering what was available - I passed on Alternity Megatron for the time being, several other Encores, several other Henkei, many, many RotF figures, and all kinds of other cool stuff - but I kept to my self-imposed strict budget of about £350, and managed to come away with enough money to buy lunch at work this week. This haul also represents the things I felt I had to get: Henkei Inferno and Ratchet have better colour schemes than their Universe equivalents, and some chrome on crucial parts, The Fallen and Mixmaster were substantially cheaper than they would be if they were currently available in the shops (Deluxes were cheaper too, but by a smaller margin, otherwise I might have grabbed loads... Dead End, Chromia, Mudflap, Ravage... etc). The TFClub stuff is hard (or expensive) to come by over here, tending only to be available internationally or via eBay, the Springer/Ratbat set may not be released over here (not anytime soon, anyway) and is too cool to pass up, the Encore cassettes both supplement and replace parts of my original G1 collection (Ratbat being one in particular I've wanted for most of 20 years, and Buzzsaw replaces my old, broken one), and I felt i had to sample Alternity.

I'm pretty happy with all of it but, to be honest, when I got it all home and unpacked the bags, I found myself wondering "is that really all I bought?"

The show wasn't that great. I'd actually hoped to do the whole weekend, but came away (relatively early!) on Saturday feeling that there just wasn't that much to do other than wander round and buy things. Considering how bad I am at 'just browsing', I was basically done buying stuff within the first hour of the show. In particular, most of what I bought came from one stall - Xybertoys, manned by the excellent (but very much overstretched) Aaron. I honestly don't know how he managed to stay polite with that many drooling, sweating TF fans blocking his way every time he tried to deal with a sale.

The much-vaunted programme of events was as sparse in print as it had been online (far too much listed as 'To Be Confirmed'), and the few events there were seemed desperately unstructured. What I saw of the kitbashing workshop, for example, wasn't so much a workshop as a 'Show & Tell' with a pile of spare parts on one table, and paints and brushes on display on another. The problem with this is exactly the same as Joust's 'Living Mediaeval Village'... We Brits just don't tend to want to get involved unless there's something specific to get involved with. A kitbashing workshop would have to follow the formula of BotCon, and have a specific project, for which everyone had the same parts and paints... but the individual details are left up to the punters. Sure, there were a couple of attendees with their own kitbashes... but one seemed to fox the folks running the workshop - Kup made from Energon Snowcat and an original G1 Kup head. Seemed pretty straightforward to me...

I was also a little annoyed that so much of the (very loud) opening ceremony was given over to introducing the AA staff... I'm sorry, call me grumpy if you will, but one does not show off "the people that made this happen" until the end of the first day at the very earliest. You let people experience the event before asking them to applaud those that arranged it.

Which brings me to the MC for the day. Sure, Simon and Sven (the latter being notable by his absence this year) weren't particularly good comperes, but they guy they had this year got very annoying, very quickly. While the star guests told us how much all the AA staff cared about the show, our MC frequently reminded the audience that he needed a beer. Tacky, annoying, unprofessional...

It didn't get off to a good start - my companion and I arrived just after 9am (intended doors-open time), only to spend the next half hour or so in a queue, with very little idea of what was happening. Some people seemed to be drifting in regardless of the queue, but these turned out to be guests rather than attendees (sorry, but they were all a shabby-looking lot... God, I sound like such a snob). Before we'd even got inside, my companion was getting bored and had started on the name-calling and character assassination of others in the queue.

When the queue finally started moving, registration was complicated by the fact that the registration desk was in the main hall, rather than in the side hall/bar area. I suspect many people headed straight for the comics stall thinking that was Registration. This also meant that they missed the Hasbro stand (but then, as the guy manning it pointed out, Hasbro had supplied him with things that were already in the shops - some of the vendors at the show had newer stuff. Bizarrely, the TransFormers Collectors' Club was also represented. Whether they signed up any new members seems doubtful, considering they were strategically placed for minimal impact.

Once inside, my companion frequently pointed out overexcited TF Fans who were shaking like addicts and floundering around, completely unaware of anything other than the lumps of plastic in their sweaty hands, the bizarre dress-sense of some attendees (including, but not limited to, a few girls who'd come dressed as G1 Seekers, whose wings got very annoying, very quickly - both to them and to other attendees), and how sad it was that people were being asked to get excited over mere Colourists ("it's just not that big a deal...").

The PA was set far too loud, and had many in the audience sticking their fingers in their ears, particularly when the MC and some guests (notably not Gregg Berger or Ian James Corlett) basically shouted into the microphone. Even the later ones, who had heard how loud it was.

Part of my companion's problem is that she has organised similar events and, apparently, done it better. The first Auto Assembly almost had her strangling Sven and Simon and, while this one was certainly bigger, the 2007 event - she felt, in retrospect - was better-planned and laid out in a more sensible fashion. Over the last few months, I honestly believed she didn't really want to go, since she avoided registration for so long... and kinda still do, considering the amount of complaining she did. Even lunch (in the hotel's sandwich bar, no connection to the show) wasn't good enough.

In a quick pre-lunch break from AutoAssembly, we popped into a comics show, just round the corner from the hotel entrance... they had a nice selection of stuff... including a graphic novel that was a collaboration between a writer whose name now eludes me (and I can't be bothered to look it up right now) and the writer/artist of Stray Toasters (whose name is difficult to spell, and I can't be bothered to look that up either). With bags deposited back in the car, we returned to the show just long enough to hear that they'd set a new record and, at that point, very nearly reached 500 attendees, had one last turn around the stalls - my companion was tempted by a Mighty Muggs Bumblebee, but decided to buy nothing as she's strapped for cash right now. I'd picked her up a transforming Bumblebee (the translucent yellow limited/exclusive Legends Bumblebee from the first film) for her collection, so she didn't leave completely empty handed.

One the way back, I think she summed it up pretty well: Unless the programme of events can be beefed up, so that there's always something going on, many of the people who attended this year won't be returning next year, as there simply isn't enough to occupy anyone but the die-hard fans. Hell, on the strength of this one, I'm not entirely sure I'd want to go to next year's.

Don't get me wrong - for anyone active in the UK TransFormer fan communities, it's probably wonderful. Meet up with all the folks you argue with online, see the UK's most extensive collection of Lucky Draw TransFormers (for the last time, according to the owners), meet and greet voice actors and artists... But the main stage was unused (apart from the G1 cartoons showing on a very big screen) for far too long, and having the stalls around the edges of the seating area made it very difficult to get anywhere quickly. Maybe they need an even larger venue, so they can more effectively zone it - separating the stage area from the commercial parts, and keeping the 'alternate programme' events closer to the main event.
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Sunday, 9 August 2009

Yo J.O.E.

Back when I was in school, there were two really big toylines: TransFormers and Action Force. One was a completely new line (though derived from several original Japanese lines) while the other was a distillation of Action Man, reinvented in the form of smaller, less articulated action figures with molded costumes and plenty of accessories.

Of course, Action Man and Action Force were the UK's names for G.I. Joe

And so it came to pass that, twenty-something years later, and following on from the success of the live-action TransFormers movie and its sequel, Revenge of the Fallen, Hasbro and Paramount have joined forces once again, to create G.I.J.O.E.: The Rise of Cobra.

The subtitle alone tells you this will be the first of many.

First off, I have to say it's a far better movie than Revenge of the Fallen. It's more coherent, more straightforward, and has none of the teen-oriented testicle gags. Where it's played for laughs, it's not incongruous. The characters feel closer to what one would expect of a real-world versions... and it's highly unlikely that Duke will ever grab Destro by the chin and growl "Give me your face!". Not least because, considering how Destro's mask was dealt with, I don't think it comes off...

On the flipside, I have to say it's not as thrilling a ride. A couple of times I found myself thinking "come on, get on with it..." while waiting for the next action scene. It's also full of clichés, not only from the old animated series but in general story terms. Worst of all, it's far more obviously an advertisement for toys than RotF... bizarre, when you consider that was a movie about transforming robots based on a toyline full of transforming robots. This is a movie about an elite global military task force, and the beginnings of their high-tech and lethal enemy, also based on a toyline... and yet you'll spend much of your time wondering how cool the toy of this vehicle or that will be. The real shame of it is that things like the Accelerator Suits will be far less cool in toy form.

The beginnings of Cobra Commander and Destro are handled in a very interesting fashion - Destro being very much the leader of the terrorist organisation at the beginning, only for the roles to be suddenly and dramatically reversed right at the end. The Baroness is rather more shakey. Back when she was blonde, she was Duke's love interest... but when Duke fails to protect her brother in "Northern Africa", and subsequently can't face her again, she dyes her hair black and shacks up with a French baron (do the French still have a Nobility? I though their little revolution put a stop to that kind of thing...) and becomes involved with a military armaments magnate on the side. Supposedly she's only evil because of a bit of high-tech mind control... and kind of turns good in the end... but in such a way as to let you know she'll be evil again in the sequel.

In fact, most of the characters got their fair share of screen time and backstory, another improvement over the TransFormers franchise so far. They had a brief flashback to some significant event that marked a turning point in their life. It was smoothly done, and served to flesh out these super soldiers more than adequately. The only exceptions were General Hawk, Heavy Duty and Scarlett... but perhaps they'll be explained further in the sequel.

Yes, it has it's fair share of flaws and plotholes, and it's not as balls-out (pardon the expression) action as RotF... but as a movie, it's definitely better, bar the obvious marketing. That said, it's clearly not doing as well as RotF - the cinema in which I saw GIJOE:RoC seemed only to be showing it on one screen and, while the RotF packed out the cinemas on the two occasions I saw it, GIJOE:RoC wasn't even half full, two days after its release.

I may try to see it again, just to help it along, because it deserves a sequel.
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